pink skies // donny pangilinan

fourteen

Donny

Lalakasan ko talaga yung loob ko sa pagharap kay Billie, it's been a week na rin kasi eh. Hindi naman dahil matagal na kaming nag-iiwasan kaya't kakausapin ko siya, pero ayoko ng magtampo at gusto ko happy lang. Pati pride ko, binabaan ko na para harapin siya. Alam kong lalala pa to' kung hindi namin pag-uusapan, dahil kahit nung laro kanina, hindi pa rin effective.

Actually, alam kong pinlano nila na yung by pair thing sa bowling. They asked me if it's okay, then at first, pumayag ako pero nagbago isip ko nun. Hindi ko inexpect na itutuloy pala talaga yung plano na yun, kaya pati ako nagulat rin. Alam ko naman gusto lang nilang magkabati kami, atleast they tried, pero wala pa ring nangyare. Nice try. Pero ngayon, ako naman ang gagawa ng paraan para makapag-usap kami. Here I am now, standing outside her car. She is busy with her phone looks like she's texting someone, it's probably Kobe again. She visited Kobe earlier sa gym and they acted so weird. Annoying. You can probably tell she didn't notice that I am here. I knock a few times. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

My heart is pumping so badly, hindi halatang kinakabahan ako. Matagal-tagal na rin kasi kaming hindi nakapag-usap like the usual, at nakakapanibago lang. Kinakabahan ako kasi I don't know what to tell her, should I apologize immediately for walking out? Or apologize because I didn't bother to reach out on her? Donny, just go with flow.

She looked at me then she turned her phone off, she managed to open the window for me and she kept quiet. "Can I talk to you?" I broke the silence, I'm really hoping that she'll agree. She nodded, "The mall is almost close, can we meet up in our usual spot?" I asked her then she nods. Again. I think this is going to be a flop because she didn't say a single word.

Okay, about the usual spot. We go to this spot, not far from the city pero you can see the view of the city. We live for city lights. So, BJ and I go there almost every late night out namin, dati. Minsan sinasamahan ko siyang uminom doon, siya lang hindi ako kasali. Good boy to. Sinasamahan ko siya kasi delikado na kung mag-isa lang siya, at least kung ako kasama niya, I know that she's safe. Nilalabas niya lahat ng sama ng loob niya sa spot na yun, sa school and sa mom niya who disappeared and never returned. I thought it was the place where we found ourselves and a place where our friendship grew.

I'm currently leaning in the car while waiting for her, still astonished with the city lights. Her car's lights gave me the queue that she's here, I watch her while driving her black FJ Cruiser until she got out from the car. We sat on the rocks that were placed by us a long time ago, still no words have been spoken.

There are thousands of stars above us which I barely know its names, I glance at her who is watching the same stars that I'm watching. Mukhang iniiwasan niya akong tignan. I have to speak to her na, I'm not wasting this time. "Billie." I said. She looked at me like it was a sign that she's listening then she looks back at the city lights.

"Kakapalan ko na talaga mukha ko sa lahat ng kahihiyan na ginawa ko, I'm sorry dahil nagwalk-out ako that time... You know what I mean." I started, "I wasn't able to control my emotions dahil sa galit ko kay Abegail, then I let it out to you. I know that I was really, really wrong with that... But Beej, I was hurt dahil ikaw, yung best friend ko.. Wasn't there for me para ipaalam ang dapat kong malaman, but I realized this past few days na kahit gaano pa ang pag-iwas ko sa'yo, hindi ko pa rin makakalimutan kung gaano ka kahalaga sa'kin kasi best friend kita." Magpapatuloy pa sana ako pero biglang nagsalita si BJ.

"I'm sorry dahil hindi ko pinaglaban yung friendship natin sa impakta mong ex, dahil totoo naman eh, walang laban yung best friend sa girlfriend." she said then I knitted my brow and said, "Don't say that." She chuckles then she continued, "Minsan kasi, hindi matigas bungo ko kaya ayun hindi kita pinapansin kasi sabi ng magaling mong ex eh. Naniwala naman ako sa ex mong kamukha si kingkong na hindi sabihin sa'yo, sobrang masunurin ako dun eh nakalimutan kong ikaw pala yung best friend ko." I just laugh at her, andami niyang names para kay Abegail ha, sobra pa sa'kin.