Delicate Heart

ch.4: my heart hurts...

It has finally come! my first day off of work in a whole week! I can't wait to go see Hiroki!!!" (>///<)
And it's so hard to get a day off when he is off of school as well. It's always either I'm at work and he's home, or he's at school and I'm home. Never both of us getting free time to hang out at the SAME time. But all of today and tomorrow he is on break! yes! I'm so exited to spend the weekend with my old neighbor and semi new roommate Hiroki!

I rush to the apartment as fast as possible...

"finally... ha.... I'm... hah... HOME!" I say exhausted as I kick off my shoes and through my suitcase on the floor, expecting a big warm hug from him when I come in.
but instead of a warm hug... all I hear is silence.
"hello? uh... Hiroki, where are you?"

there's no reply.

"uh... Hiroki? Ok, you can stop hiding now..."

still no reply.

"Hey, it's not funny so come on out and stop hiding! I've been waiting all day to see you."

*sigh* "where is he? where could he have gone?" I think to myself as I check all the rooms.

still not able to find him I slip back on my shoes and walk back outside.
"hmm.... seriously where could that boy have run off to? Did he forget about our plans today? doesn't he know that today was supposed to be special? " I mumble to myself under my breath. (It's also their one year anniversary)

I walk across the street and look past the small shops all around me. Still no sign of him. I keep walking further until.... I turn my head and spot him in the food store, but... who is that he's talking to?

I cross the street and look into the store through the glass window cautiously making sure I'm not spotted by him.
"she's awfully pretty", I think as I stare at the girl he's talking to. "hmmmm.... how do you know her, Hiroki? just what is that girl to you?" I say mumbling in a concerned tone.

*ba-bump* *ba-bump* "tch! ...ugh... why? Why does my chest hurt so much?" I think as I clench my teeth and hold my fist to my chest in pain.
"geez, what the hell's wrong with me?" I close my eyes and slowly turn as my back faces the wall and my legs fall to the ground in front of me.

"Why was he talking to that girl? Why was he smiling at her? she was obviously flirting with him, so why didn't he just ignore her? is she just a friend? and why do I feel like this just by looking at them? I feel like I am not good enough for him... well, I mean... I am 4 years older than him, he's in college and I'm a working man, the person he's with is a cute and pretty young girl, slender body, beautiful wavy golden hair, deep blue eyes, and I'm... well... I'm just a normal looking guy. Not only that but... He doesn't know my secret.... that I have fallen for him.

Am I worried because I feel like he'll up and leave me like he did so many years ago? No. No, there's no way he would do something so heartless... would he? Dang, I sound like a teenage girl... how pathetic." Ugh my brain hurts so much just thinking about all of this....

I pull my knees to my chest and put my head against my arms wrapping them around my folded legs as tears begin to run down my cheeks. I know he'll never feel the same way I do for him. I know he'll never love me. I know, I know, but... I can't stop falling more and more in love with him. My chest feels tight with pain, I can't breath right, and my heart is about to burst. I'm so dumb, seriously what's wrong with me...

only a couple minutes later I hear foot steps getting louder and louder as they approach me...

To be continued.........