The Millionaires Wife

Down part 1

Today was the the day that we had the meeting with Jack. The meeting was set up at the offices after hours. Alex didn't want him in our house. The doctor recommended that we try to convince him to get checked in. That will be hard to do. Jack was stubborn and didn't believe he needed help. He reminded me of  myself. I was just that stubborn when diagnosed. It was the hardest decision for me to accept what was happening. However, I had Al and the kids to remind me what I was fighting for. He doesn't have anyone.

As I stood in the full length mirror taking a look at myself I saw a million imperfections.
A couple of weeks ago I wouldn't have even thought about imperfections. I haven't looked in the mirror in months. Everything that was me was striped away when I was diagnosed. There is no confidence anymore. Beauty is something I never cared about.  Everything seemed surreal a few months ago. I was fine. I am fine.

I got dressed and put on my favorite suit. Royal Navy blue Armani and a pair of heels that matched the fit. I wanted to look good today. Wanted to feel beautiful after all that's happened.

The pictures that jack posted circulated the media. Reporters and journalist wanting to do an interview with me and camped out by the house gate. It was a mess. I cried several nights while Alex held me. People were cruel about the photos. I was called names and there were memes.
The children did not understand what was going on. They were being bullied. Bullied because of me. I had to end this once and for all. It was the only way.

As I finished my makeup Luke walked in behind me looking groggy. "Why didn't you wake me." He mumbled leaning against the door. I continued my routine not looking at him.

"Hey are you okay?" He came to me rubbing my shoulders gently.

"Yea I'm good." I lied.

"Babe why are you up so early. You don't have to go in today." He said while eyeing my outfit. Our eyes met in the vanity mirror but I looked away quickly.

"Hey, what's wrong? Talk to me." He said turning me around to face him. I couldn't look at him. It was my fault that this was happening.

He picked up my chin and stared into my eyes before sighing deeply and pulling me into a hug. We stayed like that for awhile until there was a little thud outside our bedroom door. Meaning the kids were up. There was another light thud then a grunt. "Mommy! Are you wake!?" We looked at each other and chuckled lightly.

"Yes hunny, will be there soon." I glanced back at Alex but he was already staring at me. "If you can't talk to me then go see the doc."
Since I've been doing good with the medicine, the doc cut back some days that I would usually go to 'therapy.' I hated that word, therapy. The doc and I went to university together which is actually not weird. It's good noticing a familiar face. Doctor-patient confidentiality also kept him from talking about me to others.  "I can talk to you I just have nothing to talk about!" I said not looking at him. There was no way I could talk to him. He wouldn't understand.

"Mommy!" He shouted with impatience. I went over to the door and opened it and there stood my little boys. The one thing I don't regret is my kids. They help keep me sane. "Hey babies!" I exclaimed hugging them tightly. "I'm not a baby" Eathan pouted. "I'm six mommy!" He said holding up 5 fingers. Al laughed loudly behind me. "Stop laughing at your child." I said trying to keep a straight face.
"I can't help it" He said chuckling. The kids stared at us blankly. "Hunny we'll be down soon okay and we'll have breakfast." I smiled reassuringly at them.
They ran off shoving and playing.
"We have serious business to deal with." Al said carefully. I knew he didn't want to upset me.

"Are we doing it my way?" Alex sighed loudly and looked away from me.

"I'll think about it." I said quietly. "No no thinking about it. It's either you do it or not."

"Babe, you want me to help a guy that you fucked and maybe loved at some point." He glared slightly.

"I never loved him" I said shocked at his outburst.

"Is that what you thought?" I said gently. He thought I loved him. Jack. I never did it was just lust and not by choice. It's hard to control your actions when experiencing.
"The way your acting towards the situations makes it seems like you do. You care about him. You kissed him." The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt him. "I don't love him okay. I'm human so yes I care about him!"

Alex looked at my knowingly without saying a word then he approached me slowly brushing my hair gently. "I think you do or did but I know you like him." Alex stared at me waiting for a reply. He looked anxious to even think I loved someone else. He deserved better than me. I was a mess. Jack and I had a fucked up ride.

"I don't love him." I said firmly. "We'll do it my way!" He exclaimed. Loosing his stoic expression. "Baby I'm so sorry you're going through this because of some studid decision I made." I said softly.

"Was it a stupid situation though? We never talked about it." He was right we stayed away from the details of the month I left. The last thing I wanted for Alex is for him to have vivid details of what happened.

"Look I can't control what happens to me when I'm off the meds. I thought you trusted qme." I said glaring at him hard.

"It's not about trust! You can't keep blaming being bipolar for your actions."

"Are you even listening to yourself right now!" I screamed at him. "If I could control my actions then this would never have happened. I would be happy and not thinking about killing myself every damn day!" I said crying loudly. If he doesn't believe me then why am I still living?

"Baby I'm sorry" was all he said. Alex pulled me to him wiping at my tears but I pushed him away heading downstairs.

"Mommy is everything okay?" The girls said looking at me anxiously. I forgot that i was crying. "Yes I'm fine." I said trying to give them a reassuring smile. I wiped at my face hastily as Alex descended the stairs looking worried.

I felt him come up behind me before slowly putting his arms around me. "I'm so sorry babe." He said softly. I cried harder as he spun me around pulling me into his chest. "I love you I'm sorry." He cooed while I cried into his chest.

I felt little arms wrapped around my legs and looked to see the kids joining into the hug. This made me cry harder and I thought about everything. Maybe I did fuck up really bad. They all deserve better.

Alex pulled back looking at me wiping my tears. "You aren't going in to work today." He said quietly. I looked at him at my beautiful husband. He was so attractive and yet so nice to me after all I did. He deserves better. "You deserve better than me." I said lowly watching as he looked back at me angry. "Don't say that. You mean everything to me. I'm sorry for accusing you earlier."

I loved him but he did deserve better. Maybe jack and I didn't belong together. Suppose he was my soulmate. We were both sick. We're alike. I did not love jack but to say I didn't feel anything towards him would be a lie. Maybe this medicine isn't working after all if I'm thinking like this. I needed a clear mind before meeting with jack later. I'm going to fix this once and for all.
The day dragged on as I stayed home with the kids. Alex left to deal with the money for jack. I really wanted to speak to jack alone but I knew that wouldn't happen with Alex there. There was abother ping from my laptop about the released photo but his time their was a new video. What the hell. What was jack thinking. If he really loved me why would he hurt me like this. The video was very graphic and I cried looking at it. This wasn't me. There is no way I did that.

I looked at the kids playing then at the knives on the kitchen counter. They don't deserve this. They don't deserve this. I picked up a knife and held it to my wrists. The kids were occupied still playing.  I should do this. Get it over with. I looked down at my wrists as it pulsed like it was begging me to swipe. I looked at my kids again and slowly dropped the knife to the floor. Why is this happening to me.