Dear Lottie

Chapter 1

One more cut, that's all it takes. One more cut and I escape this fucking world. I'm sick of everything. I'd rather die than live another day in this world. It's that goddamn depression. It swallows you up like a hurricane. It pulls you down like that beautiful stuff we call water. Depression is anything but beautiful. It fills your lungs, restricts your breathing. Physically, you're fine. You smile and you're happy. Mentally; however, you're dying. Living in my mind is a constant struggle. It's so fucking hard and I bet you, if you lived in my mind, you would want to leave too. Well that's what I'm doing. I'm leaving. In just a few more cuts.

Then the flashbacks. Of Declan, Mum, Skye, Leo. I can't escape them. They're my last shred of hope. The one and only things keeping me alive. The blade is my cold, sharp security blanket, but they're my warm, soft security blanket. They're my everything. To know that they're so torn would kill me. Yes, even if I was dead. Thoughts of them force me to put it down. So I do. I throw the blood splattered article into the packet and I pull my frigid coat over my shoulders. I'm going to find Skye and Declan. Two of my four jubilant beacons of hope.

Skye Lewis is such a charmer sometimes. She can get about as depressive and gore ridden as me without actually meaning anything that plummets out of her deceiving, delicate mouth. Her big boobs are probably what a lot of boys love most about her, but I must say my favourite physical feature of Skye is probably her hair. She has a substantial amount of extensive red hair. Although the red bit is dye, she is still a beauteous brunette. My favourite overall feature of her is definitely her intermittently dark humour. Oh, and her inner nerd. Her inner nerd is just...prodigious! As long as you like either Divergent, Harry Potter, Doctor Who, John Green books or Broadway musicals, you could have a thirty seven hour conversation.

Then there's Declan. My best friend of three years, friend of ten. I've known him since I was five and ironically, our first meet was when he pushed me over on the way to school. His mum made him bring me a bouquet of tulips the next day, so I guess it was all fine then. Declan is brilliant though. He is my fucking life support at school, honestly. There's a rule in the life of Charlotte Sykes. That rule is: If there's no Declan, there's no Charlotte. I love him, as a friend of course, but in my point of view, we really are inseparable. I love Skye and Leo, really, I do, but if you took them away from me for a day, I would survive. If you took Declan away from me for a day. I would be damaged, mangled, cracked, broken, ripped, ruptured, I would be described using every synonym for the word torn. I honestly don't know what our friendship is like in his eyes, but his security, his comfort, his smile, his laugh, the way he looks when I tell him I want to die. It's everything keeping me alive. I guess you could go by Coldplay on this one. It really is "Us Against The World".

I walked up Skye's drive and smacked my fist against the door. A muffled "Coming" was all I got back. It was typical for Skye to leave teeth-brushing till last minute. She did it at a concert once, which is, annoyingly, what got us the spaces in the middle. The middle spaces are the worst. They're close-ish to the front, so it makes you genuinely troubled to know that you could've been closer, but they're also close-ish to the back, which means you can't see properly. This only elucidates the knowledge of your long-gone ability to be closer. I'm guessing she was only seconds into the two minutes, as she answered the door anyway. She stood, small, in a large, purple hoodie and her brown-red hair tied up in a slouching bun. She had her leggings on, which was incredibly usual for Skye.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I'm off duty, you're going to either have to see me at the brothel with all the other prostitutes or come back at 10!" Skye was like that. She was always joking on about being a prostitute. Although, she had been doing it for so long, it became believable and a tiny rumour was spread with the courtesy of Caleb. "We could always make it quick and snappy. You look mighty fine when you've had a shower of toothpaste." I had decided that playing along instead of getting at her would be much more fun. "Hm, I don't think so, hun!" I must admit, at this stage of the joke, it got annoying, but this routine was accustomed and I knew what to do. Giving her the suggestive eyes, I pulled myself into the doorway "Come on. for me? Sunshine?"She laughed out loud and pulled me up the stairs. I was slightly concerned as the fact that she still had her tooth brush in her mouth was a huge safety hazard. Then again, so am I. We ran to her bedroom hand in hand and she threw me onto the bed. The routine was soon going to end and we would delve back into normality. "I'm just going to get ready" she swung round the door frame like a typical stripper and went to spit out her tooth paste. She came back seconds after and sat down next to me. It was over. "I just need to get dressed, and then we'll go to Leo's" She took off her hoodie and revealed an old 'As It Is' t-shirt. Skye and me were extremely alike when it came to band merch. We once went to see 'In This Moment' and I bought one of everything off the merch stall. "Are you ready?" Skye screamed this at the top of her lungs making me jump slightly. "Fuck yeah", I yelled back. She grasped my arm and pulled me down stairs. "I was thinking of going to the Warped tour at London in July. You like?" I had always wanted to go to a warped tour, it was first on my bucket list, so "FUCK YEAH." Was an inevitable response.