Dear Lottie

Chapter 16

We made it through the movie, although we both cried a lot, we made it and at the end; a miracle happened. Declan hugged me. Declan never hugged me. There was a time where only a threat of suicide would push him into hugging me, and still it was a frigid hug. Once, at my birthday party, he had to leave early and his dad came to pick him up, when i asked for a hug; however, it took me and three of my friends to push him into it and it delayed him by six minutes! "Wow, Declan. You're hugging me." This made my eyes tense as they shut and more torrents of tears to be forced out, making him hug me harder. I realised then that my stomach was full of butterflies. I loved Declan and he was hugging me; it wasn't good. I felt my face glow red and the tears came faster, making him hug me harder. It was a positive correlation. Until he asked me "Tell me what's wrong Lottie?" I pulled him away from me, looking straight into his eyes despite the redness of my skin. "I'm sorry, Declan. I just can't!" The tears came faster and faster and he squeezed my shoulders. "You have fun in London, okay? I'll write you letters and postcards." He smiled at me affectionately and pulled me into one last hug before leaving. I followed him downstairs with a red puffy face and waved him goodbye. I shut the door and slowly dragged myself up the stairs. As I walked into my room I saw Laya sprawled out messily on the bed. She rose as soon as she saw me, blotchy and tear stained. "Seven hells, Lottie. What's wrong?" She stood up and wrapped herself around me like a monkey on a tree. "I love him." I painfully forced out the three words I once promised myself I would never say. She squeezed me tighter and I responded to her grip with a Lottie bear hug. "Digest the butterflies. Digest the butterflies. Seriously, digest the fucking butterflies!" I laughed at her perfect logic and squeezed her tightly in my arms. She pushed me away and pecked me on the cheek before turning into her room and I assume, going to sleep.

I went downstairs to kiss Mum good night then went to bed myself. I was dreading the following day, It was engineering day and we were allocated partners by the teachers who clearly don't understand who I don't get on with. Rea Ashford was chosen to be my partner and she had a history of making me feel shit.

Unfortunately, I woke up on Engineering day and walked to school like always where Louis, Jemmy and Skye were waiting. "You ready for-"

"Nope." Jemmy laughed at my genuine response. "Who have you been partnered with?" I questioned, prepared to be royally disappointed with the teachers doing the organisation. "Um, I've been partnered with Cam Williams, Louise has been partnered with Kim Edmond, Skye has been partnered with Isaac Wood and Declan has been partnered with Lily Green. What about you?" I sighed, I really was disappointed with the teachers. Never the less, I forced out the unholy name; "Rea Ashford." Everyone pulled a face. That confirmed my awfully bad luck. She was one hell of a bitch though!

Rea aside, Declan was with Lily Green, which was equally as bad, if not worse. Lily Green was a member of the popular group. She was sporty and kind to everyone. She had bleached blonde hair and a natural tan with large, hazel eyes and dainty little lips. She was something, known by the entire school. I was nothing, known by my friends and family. But to be honest, why did that matter? The problem was that Declan is still looking for someone he likes, and the possibility lies within the popular group. Declan could quite easily fall for Lily Green. Especially now, considering he is going to be spending a full day - a full seven hours - by her side.It was going to be far too easy for him to develop a crush on her. Like Sebastian said ~ "Sporty, skinny girls." Not me, never me.

Time past and Rea had insulted me subtly, many times within the three hours we had got into the day. We were sat opposite Lily and Declan and I had to endure their flirting. Quite often, they would laugh and every now and again, they would make "friendly" contact. Once, Lily was faffing on with a piece of wire, trying to force it into the prototype board and Declan held her hands to support her. I had been gazing at them for over a minute now and I only realised until Rea nudged me harshly to wake me up from my deep gaze. "Oi! Stop staring. It's rude you know?!" She half shouted in my ear. I was used to the loud noises she produced when she got angry; the shout travelling through my ear canal just didn't bother me anymore. "Lottie?" She calmly questioned. I was cautious of what was to follow, so I very quietly replied with a timid. "Yes?" She sighed a few times and played around with the components on the board before actually asking the question. "Why are you so quiet?" I had been dreading this exact question for years. I honestly don't know why I was so quiet, but I guess it has something to do with the fear of being wrong.Gelotophobia was the fear of being bullied and Atychiphobia was the fear of making mistakes; so I immediately self diagnosed myself. I knew I was scared of being bullied and making mistakes, I just didn't know what the phobias were until a few months ago when I got extremely bored and decided to self diagnose myself. "Um, I am gelotophobia and atychiphobic." Since when was it a good idea to use that sort of complex lexical choices to Rea Ashford? I knew exactly what was coming up; "What?!" She replied, this time, it was more of a oh-my-gosh-how-could-you-use-that-complex-language-to-me-i'm-pissed-off-at-you-now shout.So I quickly explained myself. "It means I have a fear of bullying and making mistakes." She calmed down and instead of shout or commence with some horrible comment; she snorted and laughed. Which I was slightly confused about.

The day passed faster than I expected and it ended with quite a heart breaking end. I left the school with Skye and Caleb to find Declan at the gate with Lily. I started to approach Declan with a turned down smile and Skye took me by the arm to help me over it. Declan unexpectedly reached out to her and took her hands in his seemingly quite passionately. They got closer and closer and as they proceeded into a hug, Skye held my arm tighter as she sensed the inner tears that were welling up. Then it happened. As they pulled themselves out of the hug, Declan cupped her face and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and they proceeded to kiss for a good fifteen seconds, feeling each other over the back, face and only once, the arse. People walked passed them and patted Declan on the back as if to say 'well done.' But as soon as I saw this disaster strike I could feel myself fall to the ground, my knees hitting the concrete surface and Skye bending down to scoop me back up. Only I remained stubborn and stayed, kneeling on the ground in my freezing tears. My eyes tensed and for a moment, I let my stubbornness flee, enabling Skye to ease me off the ground and into her arms. Caleb placed his hand on my back and surprisingly, warm words fled from his mouth and for once, he made me feel better. Only no where near the halting of the tears. Skye proceeded to leave the school gates and sped up once she passed Lily and Declan. Only it changed nothing as Declan jumped to help as he wrapped his arms around me. I hesitated the hug and broke free from Skye's reassuring grip so I could push Declan away. "Leave me alone." I quietly croaked, accepting the confusion on his face. He extended his arms backwards so he could receive Lily's hand, to which I cried harder and he still remained unaware of why I was crying. I curled up in Skye's arms and she walked me to her house.