Time After Time

Running From It

When Kirstie found Mitch, he was huddled up on the floor, his arms wrapped around his legs as he pulled them close to his chest. He was shaking as he cried, and Kirstie felt her heart twist in pain as she knelt down beside him.

“Honey, I’m here now. It’s okay,” she whispered, reaching an arm out. He recoiled away from her touch with a small squeak but Kirstie tried again, wrapping a tight arm around her friend.

“I can’t do it, Kirst,” the fragile man murmured, his voice muffled as his forehead was resting on his knees.

“What can’t you do, honey?” Kirstie asked, remaining calm as she spoke. She knew how to handle Mitch when he felt hopeless.

“Tell him why.”

“What do you mean? ‘Why’ what?” she questioned, rubbing her friend’s arm comfortingly.

“Why I can’t eat,” Mitch mumbled. There. He’d said it. He wasn’t eating.

“Can you tell me?”

“I’m sorry,” Mitch managed to choke out before a large sob shot through his body. Kirstie pulled him closer to her and held him tightly as he cried onto her shoulder, mumbling incoherent phrases. Kirstie tried her best to calm the younger man – she whispered calming words to him and sung a few of his favorite songs but she knew that she was unable to do enough at that moment. She knew that Mitch needed to find the courage to open up before he could possibly make any progress. He would just get stuck in the same cycle that he’d trapped himself in. He needed a way out, but he was afraid to take that first step. Mitch glanced up at her, his eyes red and puffy, his cheeks tearstained, and Kirstie felt her heart shatter and break a thousand times over. She hated seeing her friends when they were upset – she hated knowing that they felt this way.

“You need to talk to someone,” she eventually said, sighing slightly. She already knew that the countertenor would refuse. She wasn’t stupid. But, she was. She must’ve been – Scott had been warning her for a while that he was concerned about the amount of food that Mitch was eating – or lack thereof – but she’d dismissed it as grief due to the break up. She’d heard Mitch call himself ‘fat’, but she hadn’t realized just how serious he was being. She hadn’t noticed how severe things had gotten until now, and she felt terrible for it. Anyone could see that Mitch needed help.

“I can’t,” the brunette man responded weakly, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He wanted to go back inside – it was freezing cold and he wasn’t wearing a jacket – but, at the same time, he really didn’t want to face the others. What would they say? Surely they’d laugh and ridicule him? They’ll all probably agree with his exes. He wasn’t good enough for Scott. Scott could do so much better than him. Besides, he was an ugly whore. Scott, however, Scott was a blonde angel, the very definition of perfection with his gorgeous jaw line, his sexy smiles and his beautiful personality. Mitch just found the blonde man so attractive that he could not bear to drag himself away, even though he was sure he would get hurt.

He knew that Scott cared greatly for him – that much was evident, but he wasn’t convinced that Scott would have the patience to wait for him. His exes had never been patient. They’d only make demands and break promises and beat his heart until it was black and blue. Mitch almost wanted to have been more affected by the violence that he had been subjected to as he knew that more people would listen; they’d pay attention. But instead, all he could do was sit there and whine about some names that he’d been called. How pathetic. No one would ever take him seriously. How could they? 

Mitch let out a deep, desperate sigh and gently pulled himself away from Kirstie. He glanced up at the sky above him and bit his lip.

“I can’t talk about it because no one will take me seriously,” he whispered to the sky above him. He heard shuffling from beside him and, when he glanced back down, he saw Kirstie kneeling in front of him, frowning.

“If it’s upsetting you, then of course people will take it seriously.”

“It doesn’t matter; it shouldn’t be bothering me as much as it does...” Mitch sighed. The long haired woman frowned.

“Different things affect different people in different ways.”

“I guess,” the countertenor shrugged.

“Have you told Scott about it?”

“I can’t. I’ll only hurt him more than I already have.”

“You haven’t hurt him, though,” Kirstie looked confused as she spoke.

“Not physically, no. But he’s scared, and he never used to be, so it must be my fault.”

“Why would it be your fault?”

“Because it always is,” Mitch said simply, staring up at the darkening sky again. Kirstie could see the fresh batch of tears that were forming in the countertenor’s brown eyes, and she pulled the younger man towards her so that she could hug him properly.

“It’s not your fault, okay?”

“I’m not good enough for Scott... I’ll only hurt him and then he’ll be a fuck up like me,” the brunette man blurted out. Kirstie’s eyes grew wide with shock as she realized how low his self-esteem was. She had no idea what to tell him.

“Of course you’re good enough – you’re talented, you’re good looking, you’re kind... You’re basically the perfect boyfriend,” Kirstie told him, but instantly regretted it as she saw the anger and sorrow overflow from her friend’s sore eyes.

“Why does everyone here keep fucking lying to me?” Mitch shouted, climbing to his feet. He was a little unsteady, but he swiftly turned away and headed down the street, away from Kirstie and away from the restaurant. He had no idea where he was going, or what he was doing, but he had to get away. He couldn’t take everyone’s constant lies any more. He just wanted them to tell him what he already knew. It would make it easier for him, surely. He was sick of them lying to his face about his skills and his appearance. He just wanted them to be honest for once.

Kirstie stood there, dumbfounded, as she watched the crying man run. After ten seconds of confusion, she headed back to her friends, her eyes filled with fearful tears. She knew what sort of things Mitch might try to do in situations like these and each and every one filled her with dread.