Kiss Me Now, Kiss Me Never

This is a Test, This is Only Test

Edward

Monday

That morning I left—make that pushed the fuck out the door— Dad dropped me off. He might have talked me into eating something for breakfast that I don't even remember tasting. There were words of comfort, understanding, and trying to convince me that Bella needed time.

All those words didn't mean shit to me. I nodded and shook my head at all the right moments of his speech. He only left after he said he'd see me for lunch the following day. Thank fuck I had a full schedule for the next few days; I needed something to take my mind off all my shit.

I stepped into the shower after Dad left, the warm water barely registering as too hot. Her scent still lingered on my skin, so picking up a washcloth, I scrubbed and scrubbed until it was gone and my skin was red and raw. My shoulders shook as I laid my forehead against the cool tile.

Despite how angry I was, I was worried, too. "Please, baby. Don't do anything stupid."

The rest of the day, I spent watching brain-numbing television. When that hadn't worked enough to get her off my mind, I slipped into my running clothes and ran for several miles, to the point of exhaustion.

Sleep was an illusion and didn't bother trying.

Tuesday

I went to work, had lunch with Brad and my father. When I got home that afternoon, I packed all of Bella's things and resisted the urge to keep anything or even write a note. When I showered that night, again, I swore I smelled her in my skin. I washed my body until I was red and ignored the sting in my eyes.

Wednesday

After I dropped off the package to Bella at the post office, I left for work. Brad commented on my need to shave since I was starting to scare the kids. I told him to fuck off.

Later that day, my only salvation was my guitar and the kids of the cancer ward at the hospital. When I arrived home that night, I knew I had to get some sleep. Grabbing a sleep aid and a drink of water, I sank into my stripped bed. The sheets had her scent there and I wanted to forget it.

By the next afternoon, I was livid and barking at everyone. I was taking out my anger on people that didn't deserve it. Though a part of me understood that Bella needed to test me, it pissed me off that after those three days where I spilled my emotions freely from my lips, she would so easily toss it away.

The rest of the week went by in a blur of work and Dad and Alice coming to check on me. After the first few attempts of pulling me from my misery, I told them that they'd only be allowed to see me if they shut the fuck up about Bella.

It wasn't fair. It really fucking wasn't. As a victim, I would've gone insane with the need to see her. As a man that loved her, I would've been desperate to see her. There was little difference between cursed love and real love at that point.

Time would only serve to prove to her, my father and Alice that was I sane and would remain so as Bella's fucking test went into the second week.

I was angry, hurt, and worried, and that was a volatile combination. After a quick call, I tossed a few items into a duffle bag and grabbed my keys. Fuck two weeks, I'd give her more.

Bella

Anthony's face was pale and his lips trembled, my vision blurring as the poison worked through me. I repeated the words again. "Kiss me, kiss me. If I shall die, it will be with the truth upon my lips."

"What truth do you seek, my love?" he whispered as he took my face in his hands. Tears lingered on the cusp of falling. Do you love me, my dear Anthony?