Kiss Me Now, Kiss Me Never

Pillow Talk

Edward

She scrambled from me, nearly crawling up the stairs to get away. "Bella!" I attempted to grab her but she kicked my hand away and fell against the wall, doing her best to gather herself. I stood up cautiously as I watched her tug and pull at her wet clothes to cover herself.

"That wasn't supposed to happen," she hissed, clenching her eyes closed.

"I'm sorry," I said, because it was the only solace I could give her. It was obvious she wasn't ready to jump into bed with me, the reason was why?

She shook her head and looked at everything but me. "We both know you're not. Not for that, at least, but then again sex was never a problem between us."

"No," I said gravely, detecting the trace of pain in her words. "Not that we didn't have our share of problems."

She stood up straighter, meeting my eyes for the first time since she moved away from me. "Lying being one of them. Then you disappeared."

I clenched my hands into fists. "I did what I had to do."

"That's all you have to say to me?" she hissed, her hands clenched into tight fists. Paralysis seemed to have taken over as I simply stood there watching her. She growled slightly, her jaw tensed. "You could've called me or your Dad. At least have the decency to tell me to my face that you no longer love me."

What the fuck was she talking about?

"No longer love you? Are you insane?" I growled just as she glared at me. I knew she couldn't understand. She never had the real thing before me. "Love doesn't just turn off from one day to another. Is that what you thought when I chose not to come back?"

"What was I supposed to think?"

"Maybe that I was pissed and fucking scared, just as much as you were!"

"You think I didn't know that testing you could end us?" She waved her hands, motioning between us. "But I couldn't live with the fact that, at any moment, you could turn on me. I wouldn't fucking survive you hurting me that way."

I only nodded minutely, listening to the way her breathing accelerated. She pointed to her own chest as more tears mingled with the rain that still clung to her.

"Then, you fucking disappear, knowing what that would do me!"

That woke me up. I stood up straighter, ascending the stairs. Taking a cautious step toward her, I said firmly, "I was angry."

"You think I don't get that?" she asked. The fire in her eyes was an inferno as she practically plastered herself to the wall to put more distance between us. "I knew you would be, but for you to leave without word to anyone. Edward, you lied."

I clenched my jaw, taking another step up closer. "I had to, because I knew you'd walk away from me if I had told you the truth about what I'd done."

She looked down at her hands and shook her head. Her breathing had finally gotten under control, but the sound of her voice scared the fuck out of me.

"Love – I've never had the real thing," she whispered and wiped angrily at her cheek. Fuck, she was still crying. "I might be new to the whole relationship thing, but trust is supposed to be a part of that. And to have it ripped away like that fucking hurt. I thought that if you lied, it hadn't been real. I needed it to be real."

I hadn't even considered that factor.

"I know that." I took another step closer. "I lied because I wanted to make sure we had a chance. You can't deny that if I had told you I kissed you that morning, I would've never seen you again."