And you decided whether you saw beauty or destruction

I'm but a coward

(Floating hearts)

Connor dragged his feet across the halls of hell... high school, same difference. He kept his eyes glued to the ground uncaring of anyone he clashed against; no one had enough balls to call him out on it anyways; sometimes being the school's resident psychopath had its benefits.

He only dragged his eyes away from the well-known floor when he heard a familiar voice, he saw Kleinman being ridiculous in front of the only guy at school that was probably more of an outcast than Connor, it wasn't the first time he found himself staring at Evan Hansen, and it would most likely not be the last. There was something about Evan that resounded with Connor, something that most people would glance over, like they were kindred spirits, that made something in Connor clench, it wasn't a pretty idea.

Connor had been, admittedly, keeping an eye on Evan, he felt a need to make sure the other was ok, he couldn't really explain it. Kleinman slips over nothing and fall unceremoniously to the ground, and there's a beat before Evan's whole being morphs into laughter, bright and soft and real; Connor feels something escape him and looks up, snatching the heart out of the air, then looking around to check that no one saw that, before running for the closest bathroom.

Connor knows about the floating hearts, they appear when you have a crush on someone, and represent that person, so people can't seem to shut up about them; and they are a problem, because they mean that Connor has fallen for Evan Hansen. Evan, who Connor believes to be in the same boat as him, who he's pretty sure is straight; the boy Connor doesn't have the guts to talk to.

He looks down to the blue heart in his hands and immediately thinks about Evan Hansen, and his freckled check, and the way his hair gained a golden halo under the sunlight, the way his lips quirked into an awkward grimace whenever Kleinman made an awful joke, or spread into a full grin when Kleinman did something ridiculous, like he had in the hall earlier. Connor finds himself surrounded by more of the blue hearts.

Connor takes his cellphone and does the research, blue means he's adaptable but volatile all at once, it means he could be salvation or he could drown someone, it means he's understanding with everyone but himself, patient with everyone but himself, naturally soothing and just as exhilarating. The perfect match for a blue is an orange heart, but they can also be a good match with a yellow or red one.

Connor grabbed all the hearts he can and runs again, to shove them inside his locker, he finishes shutting the door and sees people go out of their classrooms for lunch, Connor heads to the library, Evan often spends his lunch there, Connor only knows because he run out of places to be while avoiding the cafeteria.

He finds Evan at a remote table, nose buried in a book, he has a frustrated look on his face, like he's been reading the same sentence over an over but can't get it through his head, Connor watches as he sighs and slumps back on the chair, and has to pluck a few more hearts from above his head, but he isn't the only one. Three vibrant orange hearts pop above Evan, he grabs them far more gently than Connor does his, and he looks at them in a mixture of resignation and confusion and endearment, and Connor walks off, because his crush likes someone else, someone perfect for him.

{Orange hearts are resourceful, quick to thought, but just as quick to judgement, often referred as bittersweet, they're brash and spontaneous, but caring and protective. The perfect match for an orange is a blue heart, but they can also be a good match for a violet or green one.}