And you decided whether you saw beauty or destruction

I can feel you, you know?

(Soulmates)

This one's for my bff arRosz, who insisted I do a part 2 of the shared pain soulmate au.

The sad thing wasn't the acute pain in Evan's wrists, or what its burning bite meant, but the fact that not only has this become common occurrence, but it isn't even Evan's own pain.

Soulmates are complicated, they're the one soul you would recognize amongst millions, but you have to be proficient in the subtle signs of your own soul, the better you know yourself the more likely you are to find them. Evan has gotten comfortable in the knowledge that he will most likely not; comfortable is the wrong word, at times like this, when his arms ache and are painted with angry lines of red, he wants nothing more than to know his soulmate, to be there for the person at the end of his connection.

The cuts aren't the only thing Evan feels from his soulmate, actually he can feel all of the other's pain as though it were his own, so sometimes he gets the usual things, hits from being clumsy, sometimes his knuckles hurt like they've recently had a close encounter with concrete, sometimes his cheeks stung or his throat burns; but the cuts are nearly routine-ry. There's something to be said about Evan's soulmate there, but then there would also be something to be said about Evan for being tempted to imitate them; if only on the off chance it works for him too.

The only way to cut the connection if for one of them to die, Evan's soulmate had gotten pretty close a few times, Evan knew because his mom was a nurse and she taught him how to tell the difference between healing and dying. Evan didn't know if his own failure had affected his soulmate further than alerting them of Evan's existence; as he had been careful not to harm himself too noticeably before.

Dr. Sherman told him he was subconsciously trying to push his soulmate away, the therapist couldn't understand why Evan would do such a thing, and Evan wasn't going to answer with anything other than a 'I'm scared', even if there's more to it than that. Evan is broken, he doesn't deserve a soulmate, they would get tired of him; truly, Evan was doing both of them a favor.

Only, now his soulmate definitely knew he existed, there's no way they don't considering Evan's casted arm; and what if they seek Evan out? What if his soulmate wants to find their soulmate? How disappointed they would be when they found Evan at the end of their connection.

He procrastinates going to school, not at his home like he would've wanted to, but at a park nearby so to avoid his mom knowing. When his thoughts finally convince him to get up and complete the rest of the walk, he does so with his eyes glued to the ground.

There exists a theory that a single minimal action can change the entire outcome of a situation, Evan hadn't stepped on any butterflies, but his time at the park meant he arrived later than usual, his refusal to look up meant that he didn't see where he was going; that changed everything. Can you really say something changed if you don't know it did?

Evan collides against someone, which sends him into a stream of apologies before it puts him in the floor; when he looks up thinking he's talking to the air, which, happens a lot to Evan, he finds Connor Murphy staring at him dumbfounded.

There's a beat where both of them remain motionless, just looking at each other, then Connor's eyes fall on Evan's cast and he winces, before offering him a hand.

"Th-thanks, I'm really, truly, sorry"

"Don't mention it"

Evan takes a moment before he realizes he's still holding Connor's hand and drops it like it burned him; he does a short but noticeable nod and walks away, not noticing the way Connor's hand goes to his own left arm in phantom pain or how he matches the movement.

^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^

Connor isn't sure what he's doing. When the pain on his arm dulled to a bearable ache he had made up his mind to avoid anyone with broken arms, so why was he looking for Evan Hansen?

When the shorter boy bumped into him and fallen Connor had a moment where he was almost sure he felt the collision on his own ass; and when Evan put a hand over his cast while walking away, Connor felt his own hand copying the motion. He told himself that he was merely making sure this was it, so he could match a face to a feeling; but that didn't make sense, Connor should be avoiding Evan altogether.

His feet carry him to the computer lab, and he's somewhat amazed when he sees Evan there, in his stupor he trips and falls unceremoniously to the ground; the sound makes Evan turn and Connor is hard pressed to tell if his pained expression is out of sympathy or him actually sharing Connor's pain.

"Are you... are you ok?"

Connor groans and gets back on his feet.
"Yeah, just perfect"

Evan looks like he doesn't believe him, and Connor tries not to jump to conclusions.

"What happened to your arm?"
Evan blinks at him, obviously taken aback by the sudden question.
"I uh... fell from a tree"
"Seriously?"
Evan bites his lip and nods, Connor drops into one of the nearby chairs. For a moment he swears he sees a familiar look flash through Evan's eyes, it's enough to swallow the comment he was going to make, change it for something else.

"Why were you up a tree?"

"I uh... I was an ap-apprentice ranger during the summer, and I worked around trees a lot so I just... I didn't- I wasn't working at the moment but I just- just wanted a different perspective?"
"So, at what point did you decide to jump?"
Evan splutters, trying to deny it, but Connor gives him a pointed look and his façade breaks.
"H-how?"

Connor pulls his sleeve up, this is the moment, and he keeps an eye on Evan's reaction.

"You're not the only one dancing on the edge Hansen"

Evan's casted hand moves to his free arm instinctively, Connor watches him swallow, eyes lit with recognition. Evan looks up, eyes meeting Connor's, a million thoughts fly behind them.

"You... are you- did your soulmate break their arm?"

His hand flies to his left arm, he knew it.

"Does yours cut?"

Evan nods; Connor doesn't know what to make of it, and he should get away, wipe himself from Evan Hansen's life, because there's no way he isn't Connor's soulmate, all the signs point to him. Instead he does something stupid.

"No one's signed your cast"
"I uh... no"

"Here, I'll do it"

"You don't have to-"

"Do you have a sharpie?"
Evan nods and pulls one out of his bag, Connor takes it and the takes Evan's arm, they both wince in synchrony when Connor pulls too harshly, like he needed any more proof.

"Sorry"

He writes his name in big bold letters, and adds his number as Evan's phone starts ringing; he lets go and stands up.

"You should answer that"
"Right"
Connor gathers his stuff and gives Evan a sharp nod before leaving the room without another word.

By the time Connor's already in his car, ready to leave the school's building his phone vibrates

From Unknown:

Hi, this is Evan

You left me your number?

You:

I know

Now we can both pretend we have friends

Connor has no idea what he's doing, but he decides he'll see where it gets him.