And you decided whether you saw beauty or destruction

How blind have I been?

(Floating hearts)

This one's for "Q" on ao3 

Evan had always been aware of Zoe Murphy; she was nicer than anyone Evan knew, and good with music, and so many things. It didn't surprise Evan when he started popping hearts every time he saw her.

The hearts appeared at random, and were hard to hide, not that anyone was watching Evan, he was practically invisible, but still. They were bright orange, which was intriguing, because Zoe didn't seem like she'd fit the color, but then again Evan didn't know her.

Orange hearts were resourceful, quick to thought, but just as quick to judgement, often referred as bittersweet, they're brash and spontaneous, but caring and protective. The perfect match for an orange is a blue heart, but they can also be a good match for a violet or green one.

Evan knows all of this, has it all but memorized in his head, and clings onto it because it's the closest he'll get to knowing her.

He's been thinking about this all summer, last year he barely managed to hide the hearts from Jared and Alana, the only two people who knew of his existence, Alana was easier, since she was always so busy, Jared not so much. For all Jared claimed to have other friends, he sure seemed to spend a lot of time with Evan; still, Evan managed to keep his hearts a secret.

Now, first day of senior year, he both fears and anticipates Zoe's entrance through the doors; he practically zones out while Jared is making fun of him for his cast, which means he still reacts, but not as much as he could've.

The next thing he knows is that Jared is saying something mean to Connor Murphy, Evan knows Connor, has seen him walk the halls behind Zoe like a shadow, eyes fixed to the floor, back hunched, hands on his pockets, or gripping at the strap of his bag, looking like he wants to blink out of existence, and that's very relatable.

Connor being relatable brings a sort of weird amusement to Evan, it's not really funny, but it makes him chuckle. That, brings attention to him, and there's Connor looking at him with ire lit eyes, and a loud booming accusation, and Evan scrambles to fix it and fails spectacularly because then he's on the ground.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-{-....-...--.- .-....-..}-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

He doesn't see Connor again until later, much later, actually almost at the end of the school day, when he's in the computer lab. There's a stunted conversation, and an awkward pause before Evan notices his letter on Connor's hands, and he feels bile rising to his throat.

"This is your, right? "Dear Evan Hansen", that's your name?"

"Yeah, no, it's mine; it's uh... an assignment"

He watches hopelessly as Connor reads it.
"Because there's Zoe? Is this about my sister?!"

Evan is dead, oh god, he's so dead.

"You...wrote this because you knew that I would find it"

Evan stumbles over himself, gives shaky excuses to someone who's deafened by anger.

"Yeah. You saw that I was the only other person in the computer lab, so you wrote this and you printed it out so that I would find it. So I would read some creepy shit you wrote about my sister and freak out, right?!"

It feels like his heart is being ripped apart, pulled at the already lose seams, like the world is breaking around him.

"And then you can tell everyone that I'm crazy, right?! Fuck you!"

Connor takes his leave, like a passing hurricane, and Evan has to stop him, if nothing else, because he knows, he knows, he knows.

"Wait! Connor, wait!"

His feet move on instinct, and his hand reaches for the taller boy, Evan can't let him leave, he can't, he can't. Connor whirls around, and he's everything terrifying about talking to someone, and yet...

Yet Evan talks, explains everything in a breath, like he's running out of time, desperate to get the other to listen, to stop. Somehow, amazingly, Connor does, he stops, and slows Evan down, and he listens, until every word is said, left to hang in the air between them.

Connor breathes slowly, hands the paper back to Evan, who quickly shoves it inside his backpack, the motion feels somewhat familiar. Connor apologizes, Evan apologizes at the same time, and then Connor laughs, and Evan joins him.

They stay like that for just a moment; then Connor re-adjusts the strap on his shoulder, and gives Evan a rushed nod.

"Bye Hansen"

He almost makes it to the door before Evan finds his voice again.

"See you!"

Connor turns to him, his gaze softens, and the corner of his mouth lift somewhat, and in the mixing light of the sun and the school halls he looks ethereal; then he turns once again and walks into the sunlight, door swinging behind him. Evan feels something hit his head, and when he grabs it he finds one of the hearts, bright orange, and oh... oh!