And you decided whether you saw beauty or destruction

Back to what I was before

(Other musical)

The world is collapsing on him. And then there's Connor, bright smile morphing into worried frown the moment his eyes land of Evan, who is a mess.

"What's wrong?"
Evan shakes his head vehemently, shutting his eyes tightly to cut the tears trying to spill, he swallows loudly, there's so much he needs to tell Connor.

"Listen"

He tightens his hands into fists.

"This past few days have been a rollercoaster, and I want to thank you, for everything"

He looks away, doesn't want Connor to see the way he's crumbling apart as he speaks.

"You've made me feel like I could actually be more than... this"
"Why are you saying that?"

Evan doesn't answer; he won't be able to keep going if he does.

"And I know I'm a mess, and that I was impossible to deal with, and I've made you waste your time on a hopeless case"

"Bullshit!"

Evan feels hands hold onto his shoulders, something desperate in the motion.

"Evan, look at me"

"Arber hit on me"

It comes out in a shout; eyes shut tight like that'll make the words go away, Connor's hold on him slacks.

"What?"
"He hit on me, and when I pushed him away he fired me, there's no reason for me to stay"

He takes the opportunity to pull away, and to cross the rest of the way to his bedroom, closing the door and letting himself melt against it, face hidden on his knees.

"Evan, wait!"

Connor somehow is too late to reach him this time, trapped on the other side of the door, fists against wood.

"Evan, please open the door"
"I'm just... just the boy who tried to follow an impossible fairytale"

"You can't actually believe that"

He hears what sounds like desperation on Connor's voice, but it's probably his own mind playing tricks on him.

"Some people aren't meant for great things"

There's shifting on the other side of the door, like Connor is also sitting against it.

"Can I just say that I want you to stay? No, I need you to"

"It's not up to me... please, just go"

It's like he's back at the starting line, no progress made at all.

As he makes his way back into his room, Connor Murphy tries and fails to accept the fact that he's losing Evan Hansen, and he wishes he were brave enough, or held together enough, to be able to tell him... the words 'I love you' lodge themselves on the back of his throat like a stone.