And you decided whether you saw beauty or destruction

Real vs Fake

(Soulmate au)

This one's for "guitar_babe" on ao3

It happens in succession, like watching something through a zoetrope but spinning it too slow, in the sense that he can see each movement as if it were a fixed image but at the same time it's still happening real time; it's an experience. Connor moves his hand, catching Evan in his grip again from where he pushed him back; which has left Evan hanging in an odd angle.

There's a moment of silence, and he knows exactly what's happening, and he wants to stop it, wants to tear himself away from Evan Hansen, but he can't.

"Holy shit, oh god, oh no, are you ok? Fuck"

The words leave his mouth on their own; Connor feels helpless as he hears and feels himself become instantly soft around the other.

He pulls Evan to his feet, Evan looks at him owlishly for a few beats.

"Shit, I'm such an ass"

It's odd, because everything in his system is telling him he feels guilty, but Connor knows it to be a lie, sort of; Connor did legitimately feel bad for pushing the boy to the ground, particularly after seeing his cast, but that's different from the guilt he feel now. While he mentally berates himself, Evan seems to finally focus, and he reaches out to him.

"I'm ok, hey, Connor no, no, I'm fine, I promise"

It comes out in a rushed breath, but Connor still hears it; and he hates the way his chest warms at the worried tone, hates that Evan is being affected too. It would've been easier is it were a one-way thing.

Evan brushes a hand on his cheek smiling softly, and Connor feels himself leaning into the contact. He feels completely frustrated, and like somebody is squeezing what's left of his heart in their fist; and he doesn't want to acknowledge that he likes this closeness, because he'll never have it after today.

Since there's no way for Connor to stop what's happening, he forms a plan in his head; one he knows will work in this situation.

Connor moves himself closer willingly, connecting their foreheads together, the part of him that's under the soulmate meeting influence notes that Evan's breath hitches when he does. He takes Evan's good hand into his own, intertwining their fingers together; just for good measure.

"Come with me"

Evan hesitates before sighing; he gives Connor a small smile.

"Ok"

Connor grins and pulls them in the direction of the nurse's office. The thing about soulmate meetings is that they're considered a short illness; and are excusable, as no one wants to deal with two soulmates who have just met.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

Connor drives Evan to the orchard, if he's going to have to spend the rest of the day playing lovebirds with Evan Hansen; he wants it at the very least be away from prying eyes. God knows what people at school would do if they saw the two guys at the bottom of the social ladder acting like newlyweds; Connor doesn't even wish that kind of attention on himself, much less on Evan.

It's weird, seeing the way Evan acts around him and knowing it to be forced, because he's careful, and timid, and everything he expected of someone like him, so part of it is Evan's nature, even beneath the fake feelings, but Connor doesn't like thinking about it. Now though, Evan is busy taking in the sights; which gives Connor time to breathe.