The Light At The Very End Of The Tunnel

Departed

Firas
What was I to do? I thought as I put on my uniform. Stay back home while the other guys go get the bastards that killed Khalid? It ripped my heart to leave Menna but there was simply no other way. The guys need me. And that was the honorable thing to do. For Khalid. For his widow.

It was almost time for me to me leave. And still Menna refused to let me in. I needed to see her. To tell her I wasn't choosing anything or anyone over her. That I didn't want to leave her. That she was the most important thing to me. But she wouldn't budge. I wasn't angry. I understood her fears. I had those fears too. That was why I needed her to open the door. I don't want her regretting being angry with me. Because the fact of the matter is, this might me the last time she was going to see me. If there was one thing I learnt from loosing all the people I have lost. It was, as a soldier don't ever leave your loved ones on bad terms. I called for her one last time. And when she didn't respond, I turned around and left. I had almost reached the stairs when I heard the door screech open. I heard footsteps and suddenly I wish she hadn't open the door. My heart was beating like drum. I turned around and saw her running towards me. Her face was blotchy and tear marks streaked her face. An invisible hand stretched forth and squeezed my throbbing heart. I wanted to wrap her in my arms and stay like that forever. I stood staring at her. Watching her come closer. Unable to utter a word. I didn't know how to say goodbye to her when she had my heart in a very firm grip. She halted right in front of me. Breathless. Her eyes blazing and glossy with more tears. I had begged her to open the door for hours. But now that she was here. I couldn't think of anything to say. But almost as though our minds were synchronized, we met each other halfway in a crushing embrace. She started crying again. And I felt a lump starting to grow in my throat.

'I love you' She whispered.

'I love you' I said back. 'I love you Menna, with all I've got' 

It took us a while to pull apart. I really had to go. I took her hand in mine and we walked down the staircase. She didn't beg me to come back to her alive. She was silent all the way to the car outside. She was different like that. Mother was waiting outside with father. And as soon as she saw father, she tried to pull our entwined fingers apart. I tightened the grip and we walked over to them. Mama hugged and pecked my cheeks crying. Father nodded curtly clapping my shoulder.

'Be careful.' He said and started towards the house.

'Mother, take care of her for me' I said, transferring Menna's hand to hers. I felt reassured when she held it with both hands.

'I'll be back in less than two weeks' I said to them. And got into the car. I watched Mother head after father. But Menna stood rooted to where she was. Staring after the car. She didn't know I was looking around. The glasses were tinted. I saw her sink to the floor and cover her face with her hands. Something broke inside me and I asked the driver to stop. I got out of the car and jogged to where she was. She stood up when she heard my footsteps looking surprised. I hugged her again. Needing to remember her embrace. To carve it in my mind.

'I love you' I said and without waiting for her reply I jogged back to the car and didn't look back. I wasn't sure I could leave her if I looked around again.

I got to the aircraft just in time. I sat and strapped myself. The commander stood before us and began briefing us on the mission. I still couldn't shake her image out of my mind. I had to try to focus on the commanders words. I ended up asking a question twice because I zoned out thinking of her right after I asked the first time.

'You seem distracted soldier. Get your head in the game' He said looking grim and then went to strap himself too.

'What's up Firas?' Mohad, one of the guys on the platoon asked. He was sitting right next to me.