Hana
"No, no way." I refused. "That just can't be true."
"You guys have been in love with each other since you knew what the word love meant." Eun-Ji pushed.
"You're being ridiculous."
"And you're in denial."
I crossed my arms in a huff. "Honestly Eun-Ji, you're being ridiculous."
"You just don't realise cause you two have been like this for so long that you just think its normal."
I rolled my eyes not bothering to respond.
"Just think about it!" She begged.
I tilted my head, looking confused.
"Think about... think about, how you feel when you're together, when you're apart, when you guys touch, or just him in general."
"Happy, sad but still happy that he's living his dream. Umm warm, and best friend." I answered simply.
"No you idiot, I mean think deeper than that." She swatted me across the arm.
"There's no point." I shrugged my shoulders. "Besides, he would never like me like that."
Eun-Ji huffed, dropping her chin in the palm of her hand. One finger tapped at her cheek while she stared at you.
"Well what's your solution to your whole "i keep thinking about Hansol weirdly and don't know why" situation then? Its been months" She asked.
"Mmm." I thought. "I must just miss him or something."
Eun-Ji's hand moved and made contact with her forehead, causing a loud smack sound.
"And why do you miss him?" She stayed in the same position.
"Because I never get to see him?" I said as if it was obvious.
"Because you never get to see him and you're in love with him!" Eun-Ji screamed jumping out of her seat.
"Eun-Ji, please sit down you're making me uncomfortable." I chuckled.
"Okay." She sighed. "How bout you just describe him to me and the way he makes you feel."
"That's a bit weird isn't it?"
"Just do it before I rip my head off."
My eyes shifted to the left, avoiding her intense gaze. I did not like messing with an angry Eun-Ji, and she knew that. I could see from the corner of my eye she was still staring me down, waiting.
I felt strange doing this, unnerving almost. I know it all made sense, to go from friends to lovers. it was all in the movies, but that was it, a movie. Though they were often some of my favourite movies, I know they aren't all realistic.
We were Harry and Hermione not Ron and Hermione. Though I always did find myself thinking Harry and Hermione were a perfect fit.
If I was being honest though, I have always seen myself able to live my years out right next to Hansol, but I never thought about it romantically. But maybe I didn't have to.
To me, Hansol was, if anything, a massive dork. He geeked out a lot about his favourite movies, music, and characters, ringing me at ungodly hours in the night to tell me excitedly that someone had dropped their mixtape or about how I just have to see this movie because it was that good. When he was excited, he could never wait. He had to tell me then and there, sharing every detail.
He was a lost puppy. More in the way that he never paid attention to anything and never knew what was going on. Not in classes, not with teachers, sometimes he didn't even know what his group seventeen were supposed to be doing.
A small smile tugged at my lips as I realised I was the exception. He was very attentive when it came to me. He knew everything there was about me, listened carefully to everything I said, even able to recite what I had just said when I thought he wasn't paying attention to me.
He was sweeter than sweet.
Cared for me, looked after me, made me laugh, made me smile, made me happy. He was always there for me in every way I needed and I only hoped I was at least the same for him.
Unconsciously I began to play with the hem of my shirt, fidgeting as the memory of our last sleep over came to mind.
Things can change with one look, a small touch or even a simple word.
Maybe it had. There was no denying the small touches we shared tingled throughout my body, but at the same time I can't help but think it was always that way.
"Eun-Ji?" I looked up at her. "I think, I think maybe you could be right."
I put my hand up before she could speak to signal that I wasn't done.
"Its just, Hansol has always made me happy ya know. He's my best friend. I think that maybe I could have been in love with him all this time, that I just didn't realise it cause I was use to this feeling for so long that I mistook for it for friendship. That maybe as we've grown older the feeling just gets more intense little by little."
At this point Eun-Ji was smiling as I said everything she wanted to hear, but I wasn't done.
"But I also think that the love I have for my best friend and the longing I have for him when he's gone have mixed together in a way that confuses my real feelings, which is of friendship only, with the feeling of longing and wanting him home."
Eun-Ji sighed, her smiled wiped by a frown.
"You know." She looked back up at me, lips pursed. "As much as I don't want to agree, both answers you've come up with make total sense."
My hands covered my face as I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding. Too many thoughts rushed through my mind too fast for me to pick out and examine each one.
"This is just too confusing and I don't want to think about it anymore but its the only thing i ever think about these days." I grumbled. "Ahh you've made this worse for me!"
"Sorry, I just wanted to help." She put a hand on my shoulder.
"I know." I sent her a smile, though it was only half-hearted due to the thoughts in my head.
"He's coming home soon though isn't he? Don't think about it too much, just enjoy your time with him and your feelings should become more clear again."
I nodded. I had almost forgot he finally had some time off after his latest come back. It felt so long since the last time I saw him. I did want to see him a lot, I missed him. But my confused feelings held me back slightly.
My hand brushed through my hair before I mumbled quietly.
"I just don't know, I don't know."
