Love To Hate Me

I am the one who should mean something

I start busting out in tear as soon as I hit my room. Why does this hurt so bad? Maybe he's right maybe me and Ronnie deserve each other. All I wanted was a nice relationship ,but no I went and slept with Ronnie. Maybe I was jealous because I know I slept with Ronnie . I put in my head phones and shuffle my music. As soon as here his voice my tears race down my face.
Austin comes in the room and says," What happened ?"
I unplug my head phones and say," alot of stuff happened. He basically went off on me on how I don't trust him. He also pointed out the fact that I slept with Ronnie. He also said to stay the fuck out of his life and way. He basically accused me of leaving him for Ronnie."
Austin looks at me curiously and says," Do you still love Ronnie?"
I shake my head still crying hysterically.
Austin hugs me and says," Do you think you want to be with him over Craig?
I see a notifications on my phone pop up. Craig Mabbitt posted on Instagram. Andy texted," What's going on with you and Mabbitt?"
Ronnie texted," Are you Ok?" Ronnie texts," did I fuck things up?"
I pull away from Austin as we both pull up Craig's page. It's a dark picture in a dark room with him hidding his face and flipping off the camera. The caption read," I will never let myself feel this vulnerable again. Some jack to crown out my sorrows and head phones on to block the pain. NO THIS NOT FOR SYMPATHY. DON'T BOTHER TELLING ME YOUR SORRY."
Austin says," Wow. You really fucked him up."
I smack his arm and say," I am a fucking horrible person."
Alan comes in and says," I thought you guys were making at lunch wtf is this," he shows me the caption and the new tweet.
I read the tweet," Caige," Fuck everything honestly."
I sigh and said," He started it. He was the one who made me a monster. He said he loved me then basically accused me of breaking up with him for Ronnie."
Alan looks in shock and says," ouch."
I wipe the tear leaving red hot stains on my face.
I look at them and say," I need a break. Let's go out."
Austin looks at me questionably and says," Are you sure that's a good idea?"
I roll my eyes and immediately get ready in the tightest clothes I can.
Alan runs out of my room and says," Party time . Let's throw a rager. No one is getting up this next morning without a headache."
All the boys yell ," Fuck yeah," as they go out the door to tell the other bands.
Austin says," Are you sure ?"
I fix my makeup drawing a smoky eye with a wing. I apply some red lipstick to flare my black tight dress.
I nod pulling him out the bus to the rental car.
We go to the nearest store planning to get a bunch of booze and food.
Ronnie texts," Can I go tonight or would it be awkward?"
I text back ," Go ahead. We have to talk anyways."
Ronnie texts," I'll be there ."
I turn off my phone for an hour of shopping through the walmart.
We finally get about everything we need. We ring up to 150 dollars of junk.
I run back to get the candy I wanted bumping in to someone and falling over.
He looks at me with red stains and just walks the other way with no words. Austin runs up to me and says," Was that Craig? He looked like shit. I hope he wasnt driving here."
I try not to care before pulling my phone to take a cute kissy face with Austin. I post it on facebook with us holding booze , caption," Party tonight with the Best friend @austincarlile."
Austin grabs the cart dull of booze racing me to the car laughing the whole way.
I text Craig," please come tonight."
I notice an automatic read but no response.
Austin puts the stuff in the trunk and says," Stop worrying about it. Let's just have fun."
I roll my eyes as we get in the car. We rock out to avenged sevenfold all the way to the bus. This is the last night in this city I should be having fun.
We make it back at 4 o clock. We take 3 hours to make sure everything is set up and wait for the signings to be over.
I sit in the chair waiting for all the fans to finish the rounds of going from tent to tent.
I notice the escape the fate tent in trhe distant but no Craig , but then 100 feet away I see him chating up some girl. It's not Gabby? Who is that? She has very perfect long red and black hair. I totally recognize her from somewhere. Is that the girl from New years day?
Alan stands in front of me and says," Girl stop spying ."
I walk away to the bus and run in to Andy brushing him off. He says," So you are just not going to respond to your bestfriend?"
I turn around and say," I don't see Austin anywhere. Who are you ?"
His face tenses and he venomously says," Funny coming from a whore." I slap him across the face then run in to the bus.
The hours fly by and the party kicks up at 8:00. I have already did 5 shots to numb the pain. My vision is lacking focus as I dance with the crowd.
I notice Ronnie to my right corner pushing to get to me and then next thing I know I feel his hand pulling me away from everyone.
I smile and say," What is up ?"
Ronnie says," You had something you wanted to tell me?"
I say," I don't think that we have a future. I feel like we will always be in past but I do still have a lot of love for you."
He runs his hand through my hair and says," I know. I think I have always known. We had something special but it's done. I just hope it's not too late for you," he points to Craig glaring at us with Ashley around his arm.
I sigh and say," I am going to go hide."
Ronnie laughs and says," Why not just go talk to him?"
I take a shot and say," Not even liquid confidence would be enough."
He runs back in to the crowd. Craig goes to the drink table downing drinking as Ashley talks to Alan.
Craig texts," Are you going to hide all night or face me?"
I text," fine my room. 5 mins."
Craig texts," uhm. You'll have to lead me there. After this, we are completely over."
The words hurt me to my core causing my breathing to hitch. I grab his arm leading him in to the Of mice and men bus.
We reach the room stumbling on my bed. I touch his arm causing him to flinch. Craig says," What the fuck do you want?"
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