Blue Ocean Floor (A Justin Timberlake Fanfic)

Fake Love

I was in Beverly Hills, walking around a room full of cars. Jeremy telling me I was able to buy any car under the sun was ridiculous. I thought about buying a Bentley or an Aston Martin just to spite him, but I could never drive anything that ridiculous. Instead I settled on the most expensive, supped up, i750 BMW. I was sad knowing I would have to wait and get it delivered due to the specifications, but it was going to be worth the look on Jeremy's face.

"Fancy meeting you here," said a voice behind me. I whipped around and gasped.

"JOSH!" I ran over to him and wrapped my arms around him.

"Hey beautiful. You're looking radiant. How's married life treating you?" he asked, smiling at me.

"It's...you know. What are you doing here? Do you want to have lunch or something? God, I'm so happy to see you."

"I'm just picking up a car. I have a thing later, but we can definitely get something eat."

30 minutes later we were at a mexican restaurant and I was stuffing my face with chips and salsa.

"So, what's going on with you?" said Josh.

"Josh, I thought being married was going to be different. You know I never saw myself married and how long it took Jeremy to even convince me marry him. I'm just...I'm not happy."

"Marriage isn't easy, Cassy. If you feel like things are going badly, maybe you guys should see a therapist."

"I think we've surpassed the point of therapy." 

"It's worth giving it a shot."

"Josh, I'm sleeping with Justin." I watched him choke on the water he was drinking and stare at me in disbelief.

"Justin...who? Justin Timberlake? Married to Jessica Biel Justin Timberlake?"

"You know what Justin," I said.

"I didn't even know you guys were speaking. Last time I spoke to him he said he hadn't spoken to you in years. I wasn't even allowed to bring up your name."

"He moved upstairs from Jeremy and I. We ran into each other in LA...and we just..it just happened."

"Well, maybe you and Jeremy can work through this. Sometimes couples cheat and you're at an unsure point in your marriage."

"Yeah...but...it wasn't just one time. It was...a lot of times. Like he slept in my bed last night..and the night before."

"You're having an affair? Cassy, this isn't like you. This isn't even like Justin. What are you guys doing?"

"Josh...I'm in love with him."

Josh paused for a long time before he responded.

"You guys are really in love aren't you?"

"Yes."

"You couldn't have picked a better time to tell each other?"

"How was I supposed to know all of this would still feel the same 8 years and a marriage later? I couldn't possibly have known."

"How are you sure? It's been 8 years. You guys could be two different people now. You're at different places in your lives. You've experienced different things. Fallen in love with different people. How can you even be sure you're still in love with each other? Maybe you're just in love with what you guys used to be and you're not happy in your marriage so you're allowing it to cloud your judgment. You have to start looking at this from a realistic perspective, Cassy."

"I think about what we're doing all the time. Constantly. I've met Jessica. I even think she considers me a friend. Every time I can feel my insides ripping to shreds. Jeremy and I are worse than we have ever been. My life is falling apart, Josh."

"I'm sorry you feel that way. Think about what you're doing, Cassy. You and Justin have known each other since you were children. It's so easy for the two of you to jump back into your friendship because you two barely know what it's like to live without each other. You have been through traumatic things together. You have a special bond, I will never deny that. But does that special bond always have to be romantic love? Think about who you're hurting."

I sipped my water and the waitress brought our food. Josh and I spent the rest of the lunch catching up about what else was going on in our lives. I didn't want to admit he had struck a nerve. Maybe Justin and I were just stuck in the past.

After lunch I left Josh and went home to sit at my kitchen counter and think. I kept thinking maybe Josh was right. But I knew what I felt when Justin kissed me. I knew what I felt when he touched me and made love to me. I knew I would never, ever, love someone the way I loved Justin. But there was one thing Josh said that stuck with me. Think about who you're hurting.

"Hey, I brought some food. Are you hungry?" said Justin, walking in the front door.

"No, not really," I replied.

"What's wrong?" he said. Justin had stopped pulling things out of the bag he brought and looked at me.

"Can we talk?"

"Fuck," he sighed. He walked over to the chair next to me and sat down.

"Do you really think you love me?" I said, apprehensively.

"I don't think I love you. I know I love you."

"How can you be sure? We talk, we laugh, we fuck. But do we even still know each other? Can you really say that you're in love with who I am now?"

"Where is this even coming from?"

"I'm seriously asking you, Justin. We haven't seen each other in 8 years and now we're having a affair and acting like stupid teenagers."

"That's what you think this is? Us acting like stupid teenagers?" he said, obviously hurt.

"What do you think this is Justin? You're not going to leave your wife. I'm not going to leave my husband. How long did you think this was going to go on? What the fuck are we even doing?"

"You're really doing this. I don't know why I thought you wouldn't do this," he said, getting up.

"Do what?" I said, following him.

"Run."

"Fuck you, Justin. This isn't me running. This is me being honest with you. You're standing here not admitting to me that you're never going to leave your wife. I'm not going to be your mistress forever."

"So when you told me you loved me was that real or were you just fucking pretending again? When you fucked me was that really you or were you just using me because you're in a miserable fucking marriage?"

"What?"

"This is what you do isn't it? You drag me into this and you make me believe that we're something more than we ever have been and then you blow me off and pretend it's my fault."

"How can you say that?"

"What the fuck are YOU saying? You're accusing me of lying to you about being in love with you like I'm not stepping out on my fucking wife, who is an amazing person by the way, to fucking be with you. Fucked up you. Why do I even continue to fucking do this to myself. You haven't changed in 8 years, Cassy. You're still manipulative. You're still selfish. And you're still fucking convinced that nothing is ever your fault."

We stood there glaring at each other. Justin's chest was heaving and his face was red. I don't think I'd even seen him this upset, let alone this upset with me. It was better this way. Justin didn't have to hurt Jessica and I wouldn't inevitably end up hurting Justin. Justin knew I was making up some excuse to fight with him, but I don't think he would ever figure out why. I wanted him to be angry enough not to contact me. I wanted him to feel like I betrayed him. I wanted him to doubt everything that had happened and figure out Jessica was the better choice. 

"Leave," I said.

"Gladly," said Justin, snatching his keys off the counter. 

I think I accomplished it.