Amy, Martin & The Elements Of Winter

11. Cold Pain

I could feel it. My soul was freezing. It hurt. Especially the thought of losing my emotions. But I wasn't able to cry anymore. My soul was already frozen. My beautiful smile turned into a cold pale face with ice blue eyes. I felt sad. No, I didn't. I couldn't feel sad. The cold has taken over my soul. I opened my mouth to say something. However, I couldn't. I tried to think of one thing really hard. "I'm sorry!" My mother was able to read my thoughts so she smiled down at me. "Don't apologize, Amy! This isn't your fault!" she softly whispered. "But it's all my fault," I replied. "If I wouldn't have been so greedy about talking to you, I wouldn't have to lose everything now!" Mom just shook her head. "No, you weren't! And you aren't alone. Wherever you may be, I will follow you! Don't forget!" In that moment I wanted to cry. But I couldn't. I was emotionless. I could neither laugh nor cry. This was my future. No, it couldn't be. There was always hope. I had to find a way to break that curse. I wanted to be free again. At school I wanted to talk to Sarah. But I couldn't. That's why we wrote letters and passed them to each other. She told me that the girls got mean again and that they were gossiping about her all the time. I replied that she shouldn't have fallen for this dirty trick. They would lose all of their friends sooner or later anyway. But I couldn't feel with her. She felt betrayed by them. But I couldn't help her. I didn't have any emotions. I was just cold. The nice, shy and kind Amy was no more, the cold and emotionless Amy has taken over my soul. But there was still a little part which was not frozen. Which made me care about my friends somehow. It was the part which couldn't freeze because it was too warm. And if it would be stronger, it would be able to melt all of the ice over my heart. All I had to do was to care a little more. But that was hard. Especially if your heart is frozen. Sarah and I went home together. I could feel that she still liked me although my soul was frozen. I liked her too. She could feel my pain, I knew it. Her face looked sad. I also knew why. The girls have disappointed her. They lied. They betrayed. If I would be able to talk, I would tell them something. Something that would make them realise what true heartache after being betrayed is. They don't deserve anything else. I remembered my brother's words. "Life might be hard sometimes but you're never alone!" That's exactly what I wrote Sarah to cheer her up a little. I was really suprised. Why was I still so understanding and kind? Wasn't that curse supposed to make me lost, disorientated, forgetful about life and emotionless. But as I've told you, there was a little part left. It wasn't frozen. Maybe I would be able to wake up from this nightmare again and live on normally, happily. Maybe....no, it was definately possible!