Hunting Hubris

Moody clouds and dancing Angels

PRESENT

For the first time in life, I cursed myself for being a thalassophile and pursuing my dream. The once happy family that had supported me in every step towards becoming a successful face in this ambitious world is broken now and I wasn't even there to try and stop their fall. If I had just been there with my family, I could have made a difference, prevented the mishap. I could have done something. But I had been miles away, enjoying the peace and liveliness that came with underwater research while my family needed me the most.

And at that second I realized what a failure I had been.

From the moment I heard the news of my mom's demise I had been cocooned in a state of numbness. My mind didn't register the pitiful glances and tearful condolences. It didn't acknowledge boarding the plane and reaching Chennai. I was in a trance with my mind constantly blaming me for not being there to protect my family.

"Aru!!" the familiar voice called me and those familiar eyes took in my form. A worried Arjun guided me towards the rented cab and helped me in. "Water?" he queried only to be answered with silence.

The city was being flooded by heavy downpour once again with the dark sky depicting my mournful state. It was as if mother nature was weeping for my misfortune instead of me.

Of course she would weep. After all my Angel had left this terrain and me, stealing away the bright colours and pushing us into eternal eclipse. She should weep. 

The car moved and my mind moved along to relive a precious memory.

An beautiful October sunset was being overshadowed by unusual rain and the eve saw a ten year old slouching against the window pane, drawing random patterns in the mist covered glass.

"Aru darling??" came a voice that could sooth any agitated soul. And the girl leaned back knowing that her mother would be there to support her.

"Why is my darling sad?" the Angel questioned with a smile. But the girl didn't answer. "Did that naughty Sam steal your chocolates again?"

The girl could only shake her head in negative. Those innocent eyes were filled to the brim with melancholy.

"Nobody wants to be my friend" she said in a small voice. "They say I'm no fun, I'm being too moody" her head hung low ashamed to meet her mother's eyes, as if she had committed a cruel crime. Her mother longed for this small soul to find normalcy and  happiness after those relentless years of being separated from normal childhood.

She knelt down and raised her daughter's chin, making their eyes meet. "Do you look at those clouds?" She pointed at the black clouds which were dutifully washing the streets with ceaseless rain. "People always search for silver linings. Poets only describe those warm fluffy white coulds of summer. No one appreciates these dark rainy ones". The girl listened intently with scrunched nose and frowned brows.

"But without these clouds, there is no rain. No plant can dance in happy pitter patter, no flower can get adorned in rain drops and no kid can sail his paper boat if not for these moody clouds. Without these demure coulds, there is no happy-rain-dance and fun-filled giggles in actual."

"Just like them, without this demure darling of mine there is no fun in my house and heart" the girl looked at her Angel without blinking. "Only few people are capable of looking though the outer shell to seek the pure soul within. Those people could see the fun and shine in you and they are enough for you to be happy with" the Angel smiled.

"Now come on, let's not waste their percious efforts and tap our feet to the rain's beats" she said taking her ever-thinking daughter to the backyard. "But Arjun said I'll catch cold if I play in rain" the girl protested.

"That overprotective boy!!" the lady smiled. "Let this be our secret expedition and he won't get a word of this. So shall I have a dance with you, my lady?" she put forth a hand mimicking the hero from her daughters favourite movie. The girl giggled, bobbling her head up and down. The Angel lifted the girl and they danced and danced and danced in rain, spilling giggles and weaving dreams together. 

"I love you mommy!! Let's have more secret expeditions" the girl squealed.

"Promise darling. We will" said the Angel.

"You broke your promise mom" a tear drop escaped my tired eyes. And more followed as I looked at those dark clouds. I cried that I can't see my mom's smile anymore, I cried that she won't be there to shoo away my silly worries anymore and I cried for being misfortune enough to loose the privilege of making arrangements for her eternal sleep. And my heart broke when I realized these would have been her final thoughts when she took her last breath. My sobs were accompanied by hiccups as seconds passed.

Arjun took my trembling hands in his with empathetic eyes looking into mine. 

"Why Arjun?... Why us?" He just squeezed my hands in reply.

"We will get through this" he wisphered with the conviction with which he made the same promise 15 years back.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆