Uptown Boy (Narry Storan)

34. Who is he?

HS

"I'm so crazy in love with you, and I love you so much, Niall. I really fucking do." My heart is pounding at my own words and my chest flutters, something churns in my belly and I love it.

He visibly gulps, his blue eyes that I've come to love so much, baring right into mine; so intensely that it makes my heartbeat skyrocket. It's the kind of stare that communicated his confusion, his fear, his pain, and all at the same time, his love. His lips part, before he closes them right back again.

"Say something." I mumble, nervousness with his lack of response slowly starting to creep up on me.

He gulps again, before inhaling a deep breath.

"I need to go." He whispers under his breath and my heavy heart falls and shatters in my chest.

"Wh-what? Why?" I somehow manage to stutter out.

"I just..." he inhales shakily, as though trying to compose himself. "Tell me something Harry, does this make sense to you?" He asks, barely audible, after awhile of tensed silence.

"What does?"

"Us." He whispers.

"Why? What kind of sense are you searching for?" I ask, taking a step closer to him, and thankfully, he doesn't move back. He shrugs slowly, before inhaling deeply.

"Do you think we're making a mistake? I mean.. with all this shit that I'm putting you through. Do you think you are making a mistake?"

"It doesn't feel like a mistake." I whisper, before I finally take the last step closer to him, till we're almost chest to chest, our breaths mingling.

I reach down to grab his hand in mine, tugging him impossibly closer.

"Tell me how you feel." I mumble. He stays silent, but I can see a storm behind those blue irises, flooded with all sorts of emotions, just raging and bottled within him. That's the thing I notice about Niall. He would trust me with his vulnerability, then, just as fast, the shutters would come down again, his emotions walled off.

"I.." He starts, before puffing out a breath of air. The tension in the air is thick, something I've never experienced with Niall before, and it's honestly so suffocating that it feels painful with each breath, just waiting for him to say it back. My mind is in a racing whirl. I pull my bottom lip between my teeth as I wait nervously for his response.  But it never came.

I feel hollow. Like I was missing something vital. A vital part of myself.

The silence between us gets shattered by my phone ringing, but I don't make the slightest effort to answer it. We simply stand in the middle of my office, in an unblinking stare while my phone rings continuously in the background. That's all it is, in the background, because right now, nothing matters more to me than Niall saying it back.

"Niall," I start, not caring if I'm being annoying. "You connected to a part of me that I rarely let others never feel. After Louis, I never thought I would risk the chance of getting hurt again because I know that to love deeply meant to risk great pain. But for some reason, I took this chance with you. Maybe I'm being completely stupid, I probably am. You warned me, about everything I may face, about how people may be out to get me just because we're together. But I really don't care about any of that, Niall. Because when I'm with you, it all seems worth it." I speak, barely audible, my voice almost caving in to my emotions, but I know he can hear me, loud and clear.

I inhale a deep breath, raising my hand up to trail my fingers down his jaw gently, watching as his breath hitches slightly. "I'm willing to do anything to keep you safe, Niall, even if it means digging up every single cent of my life savings."