Uptown Boy (Narry Storan)

04. Toxic

HS

"So tell me what happened again, last night?" Liam asks, his eyes never leaving my television screen as he continues pressing the buttons of the console as he viscously tries to score a goal in a game of FIFA.

I sigh. "As usual, he was putting all the blame on me, then I called him out for cheating on me. He denied it and I said I would have gladly fucked another guy and then he went apeshit, blah blah blah. What's new?" I trail off, kicking my feet under my thighs as I type away on my laptop, finishing up some last minute work.

"And did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Fuck another guy." He says as though I'm stupid. I don't answer.

"Silence means yes." He states, rather disapprovingly, may I add.

"I didn't technically fuck him.." I trail off, and without even looking at him, I just know that he rolled his eyes.

"Then what? A head?" He scoffs.

"It doesn't matter, Liam." I groan.

"If Louis finds out, you do know that he's gonna kill you, right?" He asks rhetorically.

"He's not gonna find out. And he never will. Actually, in fact, he probably already knows something. Called me out about it last night. But he was high as fuck so I don't even know, whatever, he's just being a fucking hypocrite." I grumble. And for the first time since the last hour, he tears his eyes away from the screen and glances over to me, gawping slightly.

"You do know how toxic this relationship is right? Has been going downhill for about a year now." He says, turning back to face the screen. I roll my eyes.

"Thank you for telling me that, Liam. I had no idea." I say sarcastically and he shoots me a look sideways. I release a long sigh. "But that's the thing, Liam. Toxic relationships, once you're in it, it's hard to get out." I state. "You wouldn't understand." And he really wouldn't, he hasn't been put into that situation before. I know it for myself how toxic this relationship is, but for some fucked up reason, neither of us can bring ourselves to end it.

"Then? Tell me about it."

"I can't Liam. I just can't explain it. " I say and he stays quiet.

Another long sigh leaves my lips. "I'm going up to my room." I say and without waiting for a response, I quickly save my work before I'm slamming my laptop shut, placing it down on the coffee table and pushing myself off the sofa.

"No, H, you don't have to leave. We won't talk about him." Liam tries to persuade me to stay but I shake my head slightly.

"I need to think about all of this, Liam. It's not your fault, you can stay here." I tell him.

He simply nods and with that, I leave him alone in my living room while I drag myself upstairs to my room.

I plop myself down on my bed, as countless thoughts run through my mind.

Why do I even bother investing four years of my time into this relationship when it obviously isn't— and probably won't ever—get any better? It's probably down to my own unmet emotional needs. This is the first serious relationship that I have ever had, that could meet my emotional needs.

Up till I was 21, 22, all I had were relationships that barely even lasted a month and occasionally, some one night stands. And I was tired of that. I wanted true love. I was— I hate to admit it, but I was desperate to find that true love. And then Louis came along when I met him through Liam and I honestly thought that he was the one. For the first two years.