drowned energy » poetry

A Letter To You Both

Looking back through time, I realize that you're but a replica of her, just like I'm a replica someone you hold dear. You both have broken my heart on many occasions, spending time with other people, loving them while saying you're incapable of loving me. Am I undesirable to you? To her? Are they better than me? And just like her, I cannot let you go because despite the tension, I try to remain the same. But while doing so, I become more and more insane so I inject my brain with alcohol. You two are the reason I've yearned a bottle of vodka from sunrise to sunset all year.

But you? What makes you different from her is that even though you made my chronic migraine resurface, being around you makes my headaches cease but it makes my heart race increase. Being next to you today almost made me collapse so congratulations, you were almost the death of me.

I have a task for you both though; tell me what makes them different so my body won't go into overdrive when I hear your voice or read your words. Tell me so I won't hold onto something that's possibly already dead. Because even though you both said that they are just like me, something about them must be better because everything you say about them is killing me.

Don't tell me that I'm good enough because when I say that I love you and you said that you aren't loved, I feel like a ghost. Your words make me feel invisible so sometimes, I just want to leave. But I can't because even though your actions sometimes make me feel inferior, I can't afford to lose you. So I need one of you to make some changes or I'll have no choice but to go.

Yours Truly,

K.

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I told you that I was just as dependent on you as you are of me.