I just needed to think is all. Everything used to be so simple. I was in a happy relationship, I had what seemed to be the most perfect boyfriend. Kind, caring, funny, hot, a gentleman. But it feels like everything has changed, I'm not happy at all. It's not Peyton, he's a good guy. But I don't want a good guy.
The fall air blew in my face gently, making a few strands of hairs fly into my face. I just broke up with Peyton, and like the nice guy he is, he understood. He says that he thinks we'll still be able to be friends, that he just needed some time away from me.
I always had the best time with myself in the park, just spending some time to think, to observe, to write in my journal. I need to figure out who I am, because i'm just not sure anymore.
I found a nice quiet bench that isolated me from the rest of the people, just to observe and write what I see. It's crazy how much you see and hear when you actually try to look and listen.
A family of four.
An old man and his dog.
A happy couple, both men. This couple caught my attention, I watched them. I know I sound like a creep but something just took my interest. One kisses the others cheek and smiles, making me smile as well.
"They're cute, huh?", a hear a voice say. It was a friendly voice, not one that's familiar, but a voice that I would want to be familiar with. The voice belonged to a petite, blonde, blue-eyed girl. Something about her stood out, not like any other girls i've seen. She was wearing an oversized denim jacket over a mock neck sweater, and black boyfriend jeans along with some cute booties that gave her an extra inch or so in height, not that it made much of a difference. Her blonde hair was down in a mess of beach waves that just suited her so well.
"Yeah, they really are.", I answered her, giving a friendly smile,"I'm Rowan"
"I'm Sabrina. IIs it okay if I sit next to you?", she asks.
"Yeah, of course.", I nodded and turned my attention back to the park, staring at nothing in particular. She sat next to me and did the same.
"So, what are you doing at this park alone?", I ask, deciding to make conversation with this girl.
She lifts up with left hand, holding a vintage polaroid. "Just taking some pictures. You?"
"Just thinking and writing.", I hold up my journal.
"What's on your mind?", she asks,"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to though." She turns her attention to me. I don't usually talk to strangers of course, but it's nice for someone to listen. Something about her makes me drawn to her.
I take a deep breath and begin,"I just broke up with my boyfriend." She nods as a sign for me to continue. "I just, didn't feel happy in that relationship anymore. I dont know why, but I just wasn't."
"Did he hurt you or anything?", she looked concerned.
I shake my head and laugh,"No. He was the definition of the perfect boyfriend. Charming, handsome, funny, and kind. Anybody would be lucky to have him. I just didn't feel attracted to him."
"Has it always been like this Rowan?", the way my name rolled off her tongue perfectly just made me happy.
I try to think back to when we first met. I was always so awkward around him back at middle school, we were the "school couple", basically peer pressured into dating.
"No. No, it's always been so awkward around him until sophomore year in highschool after we've been dating for a year.", I take in the realization and gasp,"woah."
She looks down for a few seconds,"Rowan?" I hum in response. "Do you think it's possible that maybe you aren't interested in boys?"
My eyes widen. All the sleepovers i've had with friends. How touchy I always am. How happy I used to get when my friends would hug me or kiss me on the cheek. How I find this girl in front of me hot as fuck? How have I not realized this up until now? Hot tears start flowing on the sides of my face. Was I blinded at the fact that I had the perfect boyfriend and what seemed like was the perfect life to the point that I've not realized what the feeling of being in love was? Hot tears start flowing on the sides of my face.
Sabrina starts panicking,"Oh god. Rowan are you- are you crying? Don't cry. Oh god I made you cry. I-I'm so sorry for bringing it up, it wasn't any of my business I just-"
I start laughing at how adorable she looks when she's worried. She stops talking and pauses,"Uhh, why are you laughing?" She looked a little embarrassed.
"No it's just- how did I not find this out until now?", I laugh.
"That's exactly how I felt.", she laughs along,"It's like- a whole new world was opened to you. Like you just found a part of you that you felt was missing."
"You're into girls?", I ask.
She nods,"I'm bi."
"How did you find out?", I ask out of curiousity.
"I think I've always felt attracted to both boys and girls. I finally came into a realization a couple years ago when I was at the park and I saw a lesbian couple. That's when it hit me."
"Oh.", a raise my eyebrows and think about the irony of both of our situations.
"Yeah", she chuckles,"Hey, I know we just met, but do you maybe want to go grab some lunch right now? My treat."
I chew on my lip before I respond,"As long as you won't kidnap me or anything."
She laughs as she gets up,"'No promises, I'll try to hold myself back." She gives me a quick wink, to which I playfully roll my eyes at and get up as well .
———-
Dear Journal,
I met an amazing girl today. She helped me figure out who I really am in the first 10 minutes that we started talking. We grabbed some food, exchanged numbers. We hit it off, I can't wait to see where this goes 😊
P.S :sorry for the short journal entry, i've been talking to Sabrina nonstop so I had to make it quick
