"Sabrina. I want us to come out to the world.", I tell her as we lay on the bed with my head in the crook of her neck.
"Rowan, as much as I love you. We can't.", she sits up and holds my hands.
"Why not?", I ask,"We've been dating for 6 months already. I can see us together for a long time. Don't you?"
"Of course I do. But, I don't know. Our fans are amazing but there are some people out there who won't understand-", she begins to say until I interrupt her.
"Then we'll make them understand!"
"It's not that easy Row. The hate... it might tear us apart.", she says sadly.
"Is that what you're scared about?", I ask, shocked,"Sabrina you're a singer and an actor. Of course you're going to get some hate on the way. We can handle it."
She sighs and looks down,"I just... I don't think it's a good idea."
"Sabrina this is what people need! Some of our fans are young girls and guys who are afraid to come out. Seeing more young celebrities coming out might push them to finally being who they are! They need us.", I say.
"I don't want our fans to treat us any differently! I don't want anyone to see me in a different way.", she says.
"What your saying is you don't want to be seen as gay? You don't want to be seen as someone part of the LGBT community? A community of the most beautiful, accepting, loving people there are? You're fans love you, of course they won't mind."
She shakes her head,"I didn't mean it that way."
"Then what did you mean Sabrina?", I ask.
"I just- I'm not ready to be out there.", she runs her hand through her hair in frustration.
"Okay. Well, tell me when you are because i'm not going to wait any longer. Until then, I think it's best we stay friends... like how the world thinks we are."
"Rowan...", I can see her eyes become glossy.
"Bye Sabby.", I kiss her on the forehead and leave quickly.
I leave her house in tears, not bothering to look back at her because I know that look on her face would completely break me.
Later that day I decided that I would come out as queer, not to involve Sabrina into any of this and act as if it never happened.
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And just like that, the comments start rolling in.
A few minutes after I post, Sabrina messages me.
Sabby😍💗💕: Proud of you ❤️ Sabby😍💗💕: Only ever liked boys? Me: Yeah, I didn't want to say I was bisexual cause then ppl would be all up in my business asking what made me say I was bisexual. Me: Anyways, we're just friends right?
She leave me on read for a couple minutes until she replys. Sabby😍💗💕: I guess that would be best for now. Sabby😍💗💕: Im here for you 💕 Me: I love you Sabby😍💗💕: love you too
I bite my lip as I read back over our text messages. We're just friends...
Tears begin to roll down my eyes as I begin to read the comments. Most were good. Some were bad, as expected. I honestly don't get it. I decide reply to some comments.
Some of the comments hit me hard. I don't understand why some people could be so... hateful. Even more tears begin run down my eyes until the turn into full on sobs. I cry into my pillow for who knows how long until I fall asleep.
I wake up in someone's arms. I take in the scent. "Sabrina?", I ask as my eyes adjust to the lighting.
"I read some of the comments...", she says. I dig my head into the crook of her neck and pull her closer.
She rubs my back to comfort me and kisses my head,"It'll be okay Rowboat. I'm here for you."
A few hours later I wake up and Sabrina was gone. I check my phone and saw that she left a message.
Sabby😍💕💗: I had to leave to go to the studio :( Sabby😍💕💗: FaceTime me later. Love you! ❤️XOXO
I smile at her texts. We're just friends, but i'm ok as long as she's with me.
