It is so unreal... every where I look, I see people crying, was dad so loved? Where were they all along when he needed them? Did they stay away because of me and mom? Then there are those that wish to just leave, they are the ones I hate the most right now because of how unfeeling they are to a pack member. Packs are family, you might not be related by blood but you are family non the less. I can't seem to cry and it is so strange because I feel so numb and like this is all just a dream, I guess in some sense, I'm like them but I care, I look to those making speeches and some of them touch my heart but I just can't seem to let go. It's the end of the ceremony and it's then that I think that I've not been called upon to deliver a speech, I look to the Alpha but he was busy finishing up and I feel hollow when I realize that it's like I'm not here... no one came up to me and comforted me or spoke anything but I didn't care because every part of me was numb and I was used to the packs behaviour that I didn't exist though it's funny because they treat other humans like normal. I should fight to say something but I am not strong enough... if I don't learn to be bolder and stand up for myself than I'm useless, I need to become more confident and strong, strong enough to not let anyone in because they just going to leave plus it's not like I have experience in the friendly environment. I need to be confident to be alone and block out or stop bullying. As soon as the funeral was done, I tried to get slip away to get a much needed alone time but luck was not on my side, luck is never on my side it seems, the Alpha called me aside and told me that since my only link to the pack is gone, that I would be leaving the pack and that he has made preparations with Craven for my early arrival, so I can't even sit and grieve properly, I have to pack and be ready to leave the day after tomorrow, even though 'the end of the year exams' will be starting soon... I walk to the village to get boxes from any shops willing to give me and walk back home but don't start packing, I don't have the energy or will too. I draw up a bath and relax into it or try to, because that is when everything hits me that he, who have been there for me all along have left me for good and the tears rush out and I feel abandoned and lonely and angry, so angry that this always happens to me! Don't I deserve to be happy? My eyes are burning from crying and rubbing them and they just keep running, my chest feels raw with pain and each breath burns my inside and my throat is scratchy, all I want is to forget this pain and sleep and never wake up to this terrible reality... I want to drown in my fictional world's and get so lost that I'll never awake in reality. The water got cold so I got out while shivering and dressed into my nighty and into my bed but I could not close my eyes and sleep, I keep thinking about all the memories with mom, dad and Jason... shit this damn tears, when will it stop? Didn't I cry out all the water in my body already? They could have at least waited for me to say goodbye before they killed him. What am I going to do now? How am I going to move forward from losing another loved one? Will I make and lose another loved one after this? Oh gosh I won't be able to survive if I do, I can't keep on losing everyone. Why! Why am I not getting any answers to why I'm losing everything! This has to stop sometime right? I can't have a storm over my head and lightening strike every loved one for my whole life, right? Will the Alpha allow me to keep some of dads things? I mean he can't take away moms things and well Jason's things are dads things and I need something of both of there's but maybe he wont but I should hide one or two items with mine then ask him and that way, if he says no, I'll be depressed but I'll have something. After awile I finally managed to drown all the questions and anger and thoughts that just won't go away and get tucked in bed under the warm blanket and fall asleep who th a good night to mom, dad and Jason.
YOU ARE READING
The Banshee Diaries
WerewolfBorn as a banshee, I was always surrounded by visions of the dead whenever I was around the living or the undead... sometimes I can even see when someone is going to die but that is only temporary death as I've learnt that you and they can change th...
