The Banshee Diaries

Chapter 26

I wiped my tears that trailed along my face and fell onto my clothes as I was looking down. I looked up because he said nothing even though I opened my mind so he could be corporeal, he too was looking down but I panicked because I don't think he understands and he looks awfully sad that I  just wanted to kick myself for causing him such misery. I put my hand on his that was placed on the table and that brought his gaze to mine and I found that the spark that was always there in his eyes when he was with me, was no longer there, and that twisted my heart and I through myself on him and gave him a tight hug because I knew it was because of me that it has gone out. He just let me hug him but did not hug me back which made me feel like I was losing him again. I sobbed on his shoulder because this seems like goodbye "why does this seem like goodbye?" I heard him sigh and hugged me back tightly than held me at arms length "the droughts caught me again so they going to lock me up so I guess this is goodbye, I too got caught up in thinking I was alive with you... I didn't want to leave you without explaining" my breath caught with the unsaid words 'like you', or maybe that is just my thinking as he just seems depressingly sad. I should make our last time together happy, I should make it like how we used to be before he died... "we will meet again in another life, for now, let us spend it like we used to, I'm hungry so let's go eat" I took his hand and we went looking for the cafeteria.
When we entered the cafeteria, I could see and hear the whispers about me but mostly Jake, I mean he is beautiful for a guy. I wonder what they think of him and I, they know me but not him, can they tell that he is dead? A ghost in corporal form? Do they suspect what I am? All these questions and more were flowing through my mind while we... well I ordered and collected my food then sat at an empty table "is it always quiet here or are we such a sight that the breath was taken from everyone" I blanched with the thoughts probably going through their minds right now "I don't know as I've not been here for a week yet" he nodded while I played with my chips and dragging it across the two different sauces and blending them together and taking small bites "what's it been like there?" I didn't have to explain where 'there' is "it's lovely because I have found my loved ones, not all since some has gone over but to see them and be with them... it's paradise with a bite because it seems like a cycle, love and spend time with them, only for them to disappear on you" I think that is kinda like hell, to meet my mom... it's already so hard with Jake "remember that time when we went to that party together in the fall? I never told you what happened when we got drunk, I told you I didn't remember... but I did, I do, you see I didn't want what happened to destroy our friendship but after that day, things changed for me because I saw you differently, from that day, I saw more than a friend and longed to be more than a friend... we kissed and made out until you fell unconscious and now I regret that because even though you didn't remember, I did and wanting more from you made it uncomfortable to be your friend, wanting more destroyed our friendship and for that, I'm sorry, maybe if I was still your friend, you would not have gone and got yourself killed" remembering all the things gone wrong and how it should have gone does not help but tell that to the brain and heart. Jake pulled my hands away from playing with the food and in his "I also felt a drift in our friendship but didn't do anything so don't put all the blame on you... and I too wanted to be more than friends and that is why I let our friendship break apart" it's so hard to hear this, what I wanted to hear for a long time, only now we really cannot be together, I looked up at his eyes and was leaning in to kiss him when the bell rang and startled me so much that I lost focus and closed the connection but opened it immediately and looked around in relief when I saw no one was really paying attention.