The Banshee Diaries

Chapter 25

In haste I wrote on the sheet that I never studied anything about vampires and hoped he would not see it as rude or whatnot. I looked around and caught Brads eye and I froze because this time - I saw him block Brad and shake his head side to side and that brought a crack to my heart... I always avoided looking and talking to him because I nearly got lost to the in-between because I could not let go before, and to think it was the abuse that kept me safe but it was so hard to let go of him the second time and I don't think I am strong enough to do it again. I miss him so much and seeing him now brought back so much that I buried and tried to lock away but it's like misty smoke that can seep through anything, I can feel tears running down my face but I cannot move, he too had on such a sad face and I hated it! I hate how much I have to hurt him by ignoring him so I can go on living... not that living is quite grand, on the contrary, it is bland without him. He was my best friend, my only friend but I knew he was with me because he liked me because he got picked and teased on by others for being with me - the girl who has imaginary friends, if only they knew... I didn't even tell him and he was pissed after he died and I called to him and told him, but he forgave me and we carried on like we used to but I was the only one to see and talk to him, which led to more bullying as I tried to hide before but with him... I didn't want it to be like the others... the souls because it was him! So I openly talked and spent time with him. I thought I would have ended up with him as I had a major crush on him but that was taken away from me, like everyone else I loved. I saw him jerk than disappear and new the droughts had pulled him and my heart gave out in fright because they don't take kindly to those that disobey their orders but there's nothing that I could do and I can't check on him because they will be watching... I snapped out of it when a hand slapped on my desk and I looked up to see Brad scowling at me "you made me collect all the revisions while you just sat and cried into space, it's break now by the way" he then turned around and swiftly left without a glance back, I looked around to see the room was empty and I brought my hand up and then closed my eyes in embarrassment because I cried in front of the whole class, and while looking at Brad, what must they be thinking.
It seems so unusual to have break after one class but the class is long and we only have three a day from Monday to Saturday which is only one class. I don't know what to do now as I'm sure I can't go to Tanisha as she left me here so it means she doesn't want to hang with me anymore which hurts but I guess I can understand why, I mean, I am not a vampire and I made a fool of myself on the first day here! Maybe there will be an exception like there was in the pack... I really shouldn't wish for that, after all, those that I come to love always leave. I stand outside the classroom for a while when my hunger gets the best of me but I'm too scared to go and Tanisha never show me where the cafeteria is. I walk around the hall to outside where we were in the morning but nobody is there so I'm officially lost, hungry and alone... being hungry is the only thing I'm not used to. I turned to walk away when I saw him sitting on a table with terribly sad eyes and a small bitter smile while staring at me and I felt a familiar longing swell in me and thought that it wouldn't hurt to just talk or be with him... I know how bad I got before and I will make sure not to get sucked in again. I walked and sat on the desk next to him but after not talking for so long... my heart hurts just being next to him "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry for ignoring you for the past month's but... I got so caught up that I had no longer realized that reality was slipping away from me... I had to get back to reality and that Involved not seeing you, no matter how I may wish it, but you are no longer here and we both will just suffer later on if I had stayed"