When We Collide √

Chapter 17

I was staring at the white walls of the room I was in ....Claire kept on asking me questions but all I ended up saying was ...'I don't know '

The white walls were supposed to give a sense of peacefulness and calmness to the clients....that's what Claire kept telling me

"So this week what was your relapse ?" she asked

"Ummm...well I had a bad dream last night .....about my dad ..." I replied slightly hesitant

I didn't want to tell her about my slight panic attack during the soccer match and also when Amell was near me....but I just kept that to myself

She scribbled something on the paper on her clipboard

"Your dad.....why do you think you dreamt about your dad...."

Oh so how am I suppose to know that

"I don't know ,"I firmly answered

"Maybe he was giving you a sign "

Is this woman demented

"Sign of what......bullshit.....that's bull crap," I replied loudly

"I'm sorry Tracy we don't use vulgar language in a psychology room," she said while sighing

"I'm sorry Claire for my outburst ....I just don't think that a man who left me at my darkest moment would give me any sign.......I'm even doing him a favour by having him in my dream...," I said while dramatically raising my hands in the air

"Well I think you should try and mend your relationship with him .....I think he's regretting everything ......,"

Oh this woman is clearly taking a leap of faith

"Umm...Claire I think you already know me and I think I've already made it clear to you in the past few months that I hate my dad with all my guts ," I answered slightly angry

She's getting on my nerves today aren't psychologists supposed to calm you down

"He kicked my mom out when I was barely ten and then he went on to drinking and shit and now that he claims he has 'changed'," I said while doing air quotes

"You just expect me to walk back into his life ......just the way a stripper walks into a strip club...... so calmly and chilled cause she's wearing her best thong.....no Claire no....you know what he has made me go through even when my mum died he was never there for the funeral ...he left his only daughter to be comforted by her own sadness and frustration ....look... look at this ,"I said while raising the sleeves of my shirt up to my shoulders

I revealed marks ....cut marks that had been caused by my own self

" He is the cause of this ....look at this ...,"I said while showing her the mark on my collar bone

"He is also the cause of that.... he hurt me Claire....both physically and emotionally and no one was there to comfort me......not even my own mother.......because guess what.....he also got rid of her....Claire....not even my mum was there," I forced the words out of my mouth because by now I was crying.....helplessly crying

Claire stood up from her seat and brought me some water and then she hugged me ......her hug was quite comforting plus she was this fat lady and I literally sank into her engulfing her warmness

Once I moved away from her she began

"Tracy.....I won't say that I know what you've been through ...actually out of all my clients your the one who has gone through a lot......I know what your dad did was miserable and inhumane and fuck him for that......"

"I thought we don't use vulgar language ," I said slightly amused that Claire was getting a taste of her own medicine

"Well....this one deserves it ," she said while smiling

"But I think he has learnt from his mistakes ....all those letters he sends you everyday he is even paying for this therapy .....think about it "

"I've been thinking about it since the day you began telling me the same thing...which was the second week of my therapy ," I answered sarcastically

"Well.....part of my job is persistence.....anyway what was your escalate this week ?"

What good thing happened to me this week....

"I got detention with a hot boy .....," I said and laughed hysterically

Claire laughed and even made some snort sounds

"That's nice.....did he talk to you ?," she said while winking

"Well..... maybe hi and bye ...," I decided to lie

" Well at least your loosening on your anti socialism.....,"

"I don't think I'll ever be socially upright Claire .....I'm a naturally born introvert..... Like if I was to write the names of people I occasionally talk to.....the list wouldn't make ten.."

I said and then laughed at my own misfortune

"You're just afraid of a little confrontation from people Tracy ....."

"No....I just don't like people they are so negative ....full of bad vibes and negative shit....people say that this years are our best.....our teenage years....that it's the point in our life where we show the world who we are and build our own future ......well I don't see a bright one in mine ...."

"Quit being so negative about yourself.......you're an amazing girl and I've never seen anyone who can literally calculate maths in there heads except you and you're an amazing writer .....remember that book you attempted to write on your laptop.....I want you to keep on writing it ....it may just help you some day.....don't give up that easily Tracy ....."

Well that was a heart warming speech

*note the sarcasm*

This week I want to give you the easiest goal .......find something that makes you smile even when your sad......."

"Well that's easy..... It's froyo.....or a good book" I said sarcastically

"No Tracy...... here's the tricky part ....I want it to be something that you've never ever experienced.....it shouldn't be materialistic yet it should be able to make you smile "

"Well that isn't possible in a week ..."

"I'm giving you a month Tracy ....okay..."

"Two...," I insisted

"Okay two," she accepted

"Okay....but I hope this isn't a plot that is indirectly meant to make me desperately fall in love......we all know that isn't possible......even in the parallel universe ," I said while sarcastically laughing

"Everything is possible if you believe Tracy....," she said while looking deep into my eyes as if trying to make what she'd just said sink deep into my heart

Who told you that...Justin Bieber ....

I decided to let her feel as though she made an impact .....

"I'll try to believe Claire ....promise,"

"I think that's it for today then ....you're free to go.....say hi to Aiden for me tell him I miss him ,"

"Okay I will.....," I promised while gathering my bag pack and she walked me out of the room.