It is the second Thanksgiving after JT's accident which means eight more days until the anniversary of the day he left us. It's the 25th which means tomorrow is the real anniversary of the accident but when a holiday is the marking of the anniversary it kind of ruins it for you.
I have spent this week thinking of what I'm thankful for, and I do have things to be thankful for. I have my friends an family thats all i really need but in the last few months I've felt like I'm on repeat.
I feel like in the last few months friendships have been damaged beyond repair. Those I talked to everyday I barely speak to, those I could always trust are letting me fall, and someone I didn't even know is being more supportive than I could possibly imagine. I am so thankful for her.
But with all this loss I'm more afraid.
Nobody outside my family knows this.
Last year when I was struggling with my first year with out JT in this world and those memories burned into my mind (which they still are, I will never forget), I found out that my PawPaw had dementia and physically was not all that well. At the time we believed he had around six months.
Around six months ago my PawPaw had surgery to correct the problems in his spine, which was causing much pain and probably more that they didn't tell me so I would keep my focus on school.
Now a year later he's...well he's much worse. The surgery did well for him but now the dementia is much worse. He barely remembers us if he does at the time at all. The nurse said six months, again. He is now confined to a hospital bed and barely eating. I don't think my grandma is expecting it to be much longer.
After seeing him today I'm more nervous for the impending event about to happen in our family. I'm praying for strength for him and the rest of us. I need to make it through this semester and I honestly don't know how I will respond to another death at the moment.
One thing about this visit that surprises me most is that he wants to have Christmas at their house again, this will be the first holiday in two years, and for our family Holidays are Huge! I only hope that we get to do that with him.
#PrayersforChristmas
Update 6-14-18: Christmas went well. He made it until February 2018. I miss him but I know he is so much better now.
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Midnight Memories
RandomFrom letters to my, to notes from my darkest times with anxiety and depression and finding out who my real friends are going into adulthood.
