Midnight Memories

"Do you wish you were with him instead?"

Do I wish I was with him? That's a loaded question. He was my best friend, so of course I wish he were here.

He was a part of my life for eleven years. There's no way that I cant miss him.

Frankly. If he was here, you probably wouldn't be. Don't make me choose. Its an impossible decision. Because if I could bring him back it wouldn't only be for me. It would be for his younger brother, for his mom, for his best friends. We were a tight group and we fell apart without him. Don't make me choose because it might just be him, and that sucks because he is gone. I cant bring him back, no matter how much I want to. At the same time, even if he were still here there's no guarantee I'd be with him.

You ask me if I wish I was him instead, and I guess I do in some sort of way. I wish I was with him in the way of two best friends could be together. I wish we could sit down for dinner or go to a movie and just talk. I want to tell him about school, about what I've done in the last two years, I just want a hug. I miss him. It's not that I miss being "with" him.

Yes we had a pact that never got followed through on and I do wonder, but I will not chose. Because that's not a fair choice.