Enigmatic - Divergent/Eric Fanfiction

Chapter Twenty

I strolled back to the accommodation with Freddie. He had experienced the fear landscape for the first time this morning, then waited for me whilst I went through mine. The pair of us had been in no hurry to get back, yet we had barely said a word to each other as we walked side by side.

I was trying my hardest to keep my mind off of the dark happenings that had taken place over the last few days, I wanted to feel optimistic and look forwards to the future. But it was haunting me. It felt like a bad dream that I couldn't wake up from. Even though the biggest threat was now dead, I still had the memories of what took place and it scared me to no end. Anyone could easily do the same thing again.

"It doesn't feel right." Freddie said, and I twisted my head to look at him.

"What doesn't?" I questioned.

"All of this. It just doesn't feel how I thought it would. Initiation's over in a few days and I'm not excited at all." He sighed. "I'm going to miss out on points for struggling with my arm, and I'll never be able to rank decently. I won't get a good job after it's all over."

I bit my lip. "I'm really sorry Freddie."

"You have nothing to be sorry for... it's not your fault."

"No. It is." I sighed. "I'm really sorry that all of this happened to you. If I'd have been there with you, instead of swanning off elsewhere he probably wouldn't have attacked you... He'd probably have tried to get me earlier! I wish he had, and left you alone."

He shook his head. "You can't be serious, Jac. Would you rather he got to you first and did everything you managed to stop? Four and Eric might not have been there to stop it going any further, he could have raped you."

"But I'd rather be hurt than see you hurt, Freddie!!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, well I feel the same about you too. It's what friends do!" Freddie snapped, then sighed again. "But we can't blame ourselves for any of it. That guy was like a bomb just waiting to explode, and we were on the receiving end of it. It doesn't matter what happened to who, and who it happened to first, it happened, okay? And now we just have to live with the effects of it, whether we like it or not."

I pursed my lips and looked down at the floor. As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. We did need to just move on and live with what happened. Though it was much easier said than done.

I tried to waste away the rest of the day by sleeping. At first I wasn't really that tired and the other three were making noise behind me that was rather distracting, so I laid and stared at the wall for what seemed like ages just waiting for some silence. When it finally came and Talulah, Nathan and Freddie left to go hang in the Pit, another thing distracted me instead.

Sat right beside my bed was the copy of Peter Pan that I'd borrowed from the library. The sight of it made my heart sink. Why would Eric have given it back and obviously lied about not wanting to read it for any other reason than not wanting to have a connection with me anymore? He didn't want to be friends. He didn't have friends. I was stupid to think that I could be the one that made him have a change of heart, and finally allow himself to let someone in. People like him didn't change, not for people like me. Calvin had been right.

Eventually I had fallen asleep, and Talulah had woken me a few hours later, just before dinner. I'd picked at my dinner, just like I had breakfast - not feeling particularly hungry. I hadn't been particularly talkative either. In fact I hadn't said more than just a few words to my friends at dinner, and absolutely nothing on the way to the Pit.

As we made our way down a narrow path to the Pit floor, the one thing that could be smelt was alcohol. Many of the Dauntless were stumbling instead of walking, and were incredibly lively. It appeared that the celebrations had started already.