Franklin Ernest "Trigger Happy" Merriman is the most powerful man in the world of law enforcement in this hilarious, zany and highly offbeat new novel by Mark T. "The Comedy Answer Man" Watson, author of the critically acclaimed Shadow Busters novel...
Five months later, Frank, his son Scott and Wade the Blade drive to San Diego for a six-day and seven-evening vacation, as the detective-and-son team goes after San Diego Police Department shamuses John Click and Lawrence Whitney, Jr. in an investigation involving master pickpocket Sam Masterson, who is stealing a smartphone from San Fransisco Police Department Captain M. Stephen Carrington when the SDPD enforcers go after Stephen in a head-to-head chase. At the San Diego International Airport, Click, a licensend professional shamus, runs to Stephen - and the accomplice says to Frank, "You'll git me outta the airport within seven hours before I head back to Los Angeles, California... the Merriman Investigations team will cross-examine the case before Wade goes after me!"
Stephen runs away before flying back to Los Angeles, and Frank and Scott Merriman helps their sidekick Wade the Blade two hours before he comes onboard the United Airlines passenger jet aircraft.
"Look at Stephen running away from the federal mafia!" says Click.
United pilot Jayson Cutts asks, "Frank, is that you?"
Frank answers, "Yup. Be trigger happy!"
"When is the first time Stephen begins his return to L.A.?" asks Cutts, again.
"Shut the farking up, and I'll smack you for good!" Frank resplies.
"Interrogate the evidence, and Wade the Blade is gunning down one of the most infamous men who has fought the mob in SoCal in 48 hours."
"That's silly," Cutts laughs.
Frank responds, "I'll fark Stephen up!"
As Frank and Scott Merriman gets their mafia master, Wade the Blade follows Shamuses Click and Whitney to search for Stephen.
"Shamus Whitney," Wade the Blade says, "you need to go after M. Stephen Carrington when he flies back to Los Angeles later this afternoon so he can pursue a career in stand-up comedy.
"You, Shamus Whitney, will seek justice when the mob gets their man, or Franklin E. 'Trigger Happy' Merriman, P.I. will shoot Stephen after the passenger aircraft lands on the runway... bet you're cracking this case for the next few days, eh."
Shamus Whitney discovers, "I'm revealing this mystery involving M. Stephen Carrington in the next several days, regardless of who is getting him arrested.
"I, Lawrence Upshur Whitney, am tackling the mystery of M. Stephen Carrington, famous federal mafia kingpin turned improvisational comedian, and his aim is to chase the mob kingpins when the Carrington Curse is unraveled in a municipal courtroom session. As your shamus, I will solve the case alongside you, Scott and Wade the Blade in Merriman Investigations' quest for franking trigger-happy justice. Crime no longer pays a part in whacking Stephen out of mafia infiltration in a sebsequential time."
"The FBI will hire you so that Scott and I continue franking mafia-oriented crime," Frank says.
"Better off searching for Stephen," Shamus Whitney warns, "before I shoot you and Scott with my Merriman .75 caliber magnum automatic shamustication gun!"
When Shamus Click walks onboard the United Airlines passenger aircraft, Stephen tells him, "I convince Detective Merriman and Shamus Whitney to arrive on this airplane when the twe crime fighters come onboard the aircraft in about three minutes."
"You bastard you! Go fark someone committing crime," shouts M. Stephen Carrington.
"Conspiring the mafia will get Frank 'Trigger Happy' Merrinman caight in the crosshairs," Click tells Stephen the truth.
"Get Shamus Whitney caught red handed before he and Frank and Scott Merriman hit the plane 20 minutes before take-off," Stephen conspires.
"Detective Merriman's copulating schlong allows him to urinate in the public restroom when he gets back to L.A.," warns Shamus Click.
"Click, get off the plane now," shouts Stephen.
Shamus Click answers, "No! I'm carrying a .44 caliber semi-automatic shamustication gun invented by gunsmith Eric Merriman, Frank's father who was killed in 2010. The secret weapon will fire the amount of bullets at anyone franking shamustication as a conspiracy theory.
"Fark off, Mr. Click," Stephen warns.
"I'll go to www.fark.com and look for more information concerning you accusing of killing more gangsters in San Diego than a lightning rod hitting L.A."
Frank, his son Scott and Shamus Whitney come onboard a Boeing passenger jet airliner and greet Shamus Click.At the same time, Shamus Whitney's smartwatch tells the date and time the aircraft takes off toward the sky.
"Time for you, Shamus Lawrence U. Whitney, to shove your a**," warns Frank.
Shamus Whitney responds, "Not on Merriman Investigations' watch!"
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"Please find another suspect enguffed in pickpocketing within a few days," Frank instructs Shamus Whitney while Shamus Click searches for clues via smartphone.
Frank replies, "All right, Mr. Click. Let's play Wat Battle!"
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"I presume you are coming to a conclusion," Jayson, who is United's most hired pilot in the air, confronts.
"What?" asks Shamus Click.
"Going after mafia kingpin M. Stephen Carrington?"
"Better shut your damn mouth glued!" answers Jayson, "or the air marshal will shoot ya!"
As the Merrimans prepare for takeoff, Shamus Click shares photos of Lawrence Upshur Whitney, P.I. via his smartphone. Hee hee.
20 minutes after the passenger aircraft takes off, Frank is sleeping while Shamuses Whitney and Click order breakfast. It is now 8:45 A.M., and one of United Airlines' stewardesses take breakfast menu orders.
25 minutes later, breakfast items such as oatmeal with crossfire-shaped chocolate pieces, eggs and chicken bacon, Frankness Juice, lemon wedges, and peoncatre, a passion fruit and orange hybrid, arrive on the aircraft.
Frank and his son Scott wake up shortly while the waitress brings pancakes with Huckabee fruit - a combination of apple and kiwifruit paterned after Govenor Mike Huckabee - to the seats.
"Wow! Huckabee fruit - so tasty, you could eat it with a fork!" surprises Scott Merriman.
Shamus Click asks Shamus Whitney, "How do you like your Frankness Juice, eh?"
"Givin' me all the vitamin C I need to be frank," Shamus Whitney answers.
