Gone, Lost and Alone

Chapter 8|Worst Summer Ever

I lay on my bed crying, again.
Throughout the summer, I was miserable. Completely and utterly miserable.

Do you know how hard it is to have a horrible summer?

Summer is supposed to be all about fun and enjoyment.

I should have had a blast.
I should have spent it in summer dresses chilling at Sean's.

Or in bikinis at pools.

Or at a waterpark with Rachel and Sean.

Or partying at a schoolmate's house.

Or going on a random road trip with my best friends.

Or going window shopping.

Or playing little pranks on neighbors.

Or just staying at my home with my BFFs watching Netflix and binging on my homemade popcorn and chips with cheese dip.

Or celebrating our friendship anniversary with Sean. We celebrated it every season of the year.

On a spring morning years ago, Sean and I met.
I was heading to my school, Octavian Academy alone. I had no friends because I never felt like taking to them. They had looked so distant and different.
I reached minutes early, the school looming over me, huge and imposing as always,built with wine colored bricks and surrounded by little bushes and trees.

I took a was taking deep breaths, preparing myself for the perilous day ahead when I heard a whimper. It was coming from a near by tree so I walked over to it and saw a boy my age his head on his knees as he rocked himself back and forth.

I quietly sat next to him. He noticed and looked at me, his hair falling slightly over his eyes.
I pushed them away and smiled.
He smiled back.

"What's wrong?" I had asked

"Everything", he had replied

"Same here".

I told him my story and he told me his, about his parent's divorce and his father's sucide. We understood each other and after we had cried to our hearts content, we promised to be friends forever, to look out for each other. Then hand in hand we went to school and got our very first detention.

And so a bond was formed. An unbreakable one. Or at least it was.

The memory filled me with so much pain and heartache.
Sean and I were inseparable. Rachel too.

She had just transferred to our school last year and was without anyone at lunch. We sat with her and she was very friendly

She was very sweet and she was a great listener. She was helpful and considerate too.

It took a while but we finally liked her enough to let her join our little team.

I ran my hands through my hair in anguish.

I lost my two best friends! It's not like they avoided me, they said "Hi" whenever we met and were always polite to me and that was the problem.

Friends aren't meant to be polite! They should be crazy weird and tease you all the time.
Not polite!!!!!

My nightmares remained, making me dread the nights more than ever.

The number of people needing me to babysit reduced. Which was unfortunate because I was running out of money for groceries and uncle Ian wasn't bringing home any cash.

He now worked longer hours than usual, coming home late, drunk and in a bad mood. He would make my little sweethearts cry and I would have to try to cheer them up but it only got harder.

Everyday I missed Sean. The real Sean, who was sweet, helpful, funny and always around. The Sean who wasn't dating my ex best friend.

I had never felt so alone and miserable in such a long time.
I didn't feel like doing anything I loved.
I didn't feel like talking to people, not even Aunt Chloe or my numerous not-so-close friends from school.

I followed the same pattern daily like a mindless zombie - Wake up, eat, cry, work, eat, curl up and cry,eat, work, sleep, repeat.
I mostly ate pizza. It was a the only slightly less depressing thing I did throughout summer.

Each day I ordered pizza, hoping that that boy I saw would deliver it. But every day, he didn't.

If you think about it, it's actually very depressing.

No friends.
No deja vu pizza boy.
And the boy I love probably has his tongue down his girlfriend's throat right now.

The thought hurt. For a long time I had dreamed of being that girl. The girl he went out with, kissed, bought flowers for.

Well, now that's never happening.

I wiped away my tears and picked up my phone from my nightstand.
   Saturday September 10th, 10:36pm.

"No way! School is tomorrow!"
I can't believe it! School is tomorrow! The summer crawled so slowly, I thought it'd never end! School will distract me from everything! I haven't even picked out my clothes or anything!!!

I started preparing hurriedly for school.
By the time I was through, I had made up my mind about my life.

I would try to get over Sean,however hard.
I would study harder for my scholarship.
I would find a way to give my babysitting job some more publicity to earn more money.
I wouldn't let Uncle Ian treat me like trash.

And most importantly, I would try stop the nightmares and to be happy without depending on Sean or anyone else.

I have been in pain for far too long. I have been weak and have felt helpless, unable to do anything.
So what if Sean and Rachel are together?
So what if nightmares plague my sleep?
What if my past is trying to haunt me?
So what if the uncertainty of the future looms over me?
I can handle it.

I went to my bed, feeling determined.
I fell into a peaceful sleep.
Thankfully, I had no nightmares.

Hey guys! What do you think about this chapter? It's dedicated to The_Mystical_Eye! Vote, comment and share if you liked it! I'll encourage me to write more. Also, I'll be updating about twice a week now and I'll try to make the chapters longer and better. Until next time 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Love,

CupcakePrincessa❤❤❤