Gone, Lost and Alone

2|Tears, Tears, Tears

I ran. I didn't think, I just ran. I didn't stop till I got home.
Then I stopped to catch my breath and pull myself together.

Just then my phone rang.
It was Ian. I was about to pick when he burst out of the door, his phone on his ear.

When he saw me he ended the call. "Um B, it's good you're here. I know I promised to stay with the kids but something came up, I have to go now, bye!"

And with that, my uncle, Ian left not caring enough to ask why I came home early.

With a sigh, I walked into the house.

"B! Your back!!!"the twins squealed, racing to meet me.

Let me tell you a bit about me. For some reason, my name is Buttercup(I prefer being called B, obviously) and I had an unusually bitter past that with great difficulty and help from Sean, I have put behind me.

I am seventeen and I live with my uncle, and my two 4 year old children. When I say my children, I don't mean biological, but I am practically raising them alone since Aunt Rosa died and Uncle Ian works a lot because the company he works in is going through hard times.

I try to help by babysitting for neighbors and some online jobs but frankly, it's sometimes not enough. I can only hope I get a good scholarship.

My phone vibrated. It was a text.

sorry I didn't tell u earlier. Forgive me?
X Sean
I stared at the phone screen. The phone Sean had got me when he accidentally stepped on the last one.
How could he not love me? I wondered.

"Papa left! Will you let us eat icecream?" Lacy the older twin asked while Liam nodded. I blinked, trying to gather my thoughts.

"Sure you can and you can watch Finding Dory" I told them, trying to keep my voice from trembling.

They cheered and ran to the couch.

Sniffing I walked to the freezer and pulled out the last tub of icecream and picked two spoons.

When they were a hundred percent focused on the movie, I went back to the kitchen, wanting to make myself some comfort food.

As I crushed a lot of chocolate cookies into a bowl, I couldn't help but wonder how it happened.

How did they like each other? Sean likes me, not Rachel so why are they going out?

Classic denial.

I poured low fat milk on the cookies and took it to my room.

When I looked my door, I sat on my bed and stared at my room. It was spacious but simple - white walls, a walk in closet, a dresser, a desk and chair and a shelf for my books.

So plain. Just like you! No wonder he picked HER! You are worthless! What are you thinking? He knows your spoilt goods. He's your friend only because he has pity for you, nothing more! You're useless!

The voices in my head kept tormenting me.

I didn't finish my cookies and milk. With tears streaming down my face, I got up and looked at myself in the mirror.

I do not think I am ugly. On good days I feel beautiful.
I have even be described as gorgeous. I have light brown eyes, an oval shaped face, smooth, acne free skin, a rare blessing.
It glows sometimes too
My hair is luscious, long and brown. It falls in soft waves and grazes my thighs. It's my best feature I think.

I am not vain but I know Rachel is not as pretty as I am.
But she is pretty enough. She has nice grey eyes and lovely long red hair.

Other than that, we have identical features. We both have long legs and a petite figure.
But she doesn't have a scar on her face like I do.

I smile bitterly and touch it. It's runs down from my left eye to my chin. It's the reason people don't forget my face and the reason I can't completely forget my past.

I can't look anymore. I shut my eyes, trying to stop the memories,but one escapes. I remember the heat of the flames. And nearly scream in pain. But I remember Lacy and Liam will hear and so I scream into my pillow.

I need Sean!

I scramble for my phone and speed dial Sean but it goes straight to voice mail.

I lie down and cry into my pillow, my hands folded tightly into fists, trying not to scream.

I call Sean again but this time his phone is switched off.

When I was eleven he promised to always be with me whenever this happened.

He broke his promise today.