Gone, Lost and Alone

Chapter 10| A New Friend

  He sat next to me, looking at me smiling.
Suddenly shy, I put my head down and focused on my knitting.
He said nothing, just watching me work.
I found his presence calming and soon I had figured out the pattern I was struggling so hard to do earlier.

"I still don't know your name you know", I said a while later.

"Justin"

"Justin" I repeated. "You deliver pizzas"
   Great. Astute observation B.

"Yes", he choked back a laugh.

Kind of him not to laugh in my face.

"I haven't seen you around before."

"My family just moved in recently. I wanted to get to know the area, meet new people, explore and gain a bit of money." He smiled as he talked. "Plus I love pizza, hence the delivery gig."

"Oh. What's your favorite toppings?"

"Actually, I have none" He chuckled. "Literally everyone is my favorite".

I laughed. "You really do love pizza"

"Yeah", he said simply and then, "Could you teach me how to do that?",he pointed at my scarf.

I stared at him quizzically and then with a shrug, said "Why not?"

He was a surprisingly fast learner.

Justin walked me home from school.
We didn't have any classes together but he waited for me by the school gates, and just quietly started walking with me.
He was easy to talk to, but I was still wary. He told me about his parents, his dog, Lucky and his dreams of becoming an astronaut.
I told him about different kinds of knitting patterns, my favorites and the trickiest ones.
We talked about movies and songs and laughed at how we had nothing in common there.

I stopped him a block away from my house.
"I'll be fine from here."
He didn't question it. "It's cool. See you tomorrow?
I nodded.
" Good bye B" He waved and left.

With a soft sigh, I continued home, thinking.

Did I want Justin as a friend? He seemed nice enough but I still hurt at the thought of my so called best friends.
What if he caused me more pain? Being alone would be best, but could my heart take it? I sighed again.
Life was tiring and I was over thinking this. He was nice to me today. It probably meant nothing.
Either way, there's no point over thinking.

I got home, and headed in, the silence making me wonder if Uncle Ian forgot to pick up the twins again.

But he hadn't.
He was sitting on the floor in the kitchen, feeding Liam and Lucy porridge.

Huh.

I watched with a pang in my heart the way they dutifully ate, the way they looked fondly at the father who was often absent but now gave them full attention.

"Hi guys", I said tentatively, not wanting to break this up.

Uncle Ian looked up, giving me a rare smile.
"Hello B. How was school?"

Watching him warily, I replied. "Fine"
This was odd. He rarely gave me the time of day.

"That's good. You must be tired. Go freshen up and come down for lunch. I'll be making dinner too, so just relax okay?"

"Uh..okay"
I turned and left, wondering what alien had taken over my uncle's brain.

After dinner, uncle Ian took care of the twins and put them to bed while I pretended to watch TV.

When he was done, he joined me on the couch I was sitting on.

He cleared his throat. He had something big to say. I waited.

"I got a promotion today, B. It pays more and I'll be around a lot more."

"Oh. That's wonderful Uncle B."

"Yes."
Uncle Ian was a huge hairy man, with a full beard which he now scratched.
He cleared his throat again and continued gruffly " I want to apologize B. I know it isn't easy the responsibilities I leave on your shoulders. I haven't been the best guardian to you. I have been slacking off. There's no excuse for it."

I knew how hard it must be for him to say this and I honestly didn't expect it.
It was an unspoken rule since aunt Rosa died.
It was my fault she didn't take care of herself.
When I had broken my ankle and had to be admitted to the hospital, she stayed with me, leaving only to take care of the twins.
It was my fault she was barely sleeping, my fault that on the day I was to be discharged she decided to make me my favorite meals for dinner. I was my fault she had the accident that claimed her life.
Nothing could make up for that.
The twins are my responsibility.
Taking care of them, of uncle Ian and doing everything else is my responsibility.
It is my only penance.

"You have nothing to apologize to me for Uncle Ian. Congratulations on your promotion."

"Thank you B".

Soon after, we both went to our respective bedrooms, saying stiff goodnights.

Maybe I'll become friends with Justin after all.
Maybe one more friend to hurt me is just what I need.

Maybe it's what I deserve.