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Three little words

>newt<

It's funny how things are so the same yet so different- me finding my way to the girl who stole my heart, as she laid in a medic bed. Tess met me at the door, a peculiar frown painting her face. She was judging me for not coming sooner- I know.

She'd made it well known I hadn't visited Alaska.

I heard Tess sigh before stepping around me.

"I'm going out, I trust you with her," she mumbled, "she was awake earlier, but now she's sleeping."

And then Tess disappeared into the tunnels.

I let myself hesitate at the door. Why was I so nervous? I wondered if Alaska knew I hadn't come one time to see her, and I wondered if I hurt her. I shifted on my feet before walking over to her.

Alaska had three cracked ribs, her jaw had been fractured, she had several deep gashes in her stomach and arms, her lungs had been burnt, one had been punctured, they'd had to receive building shards from her body in multiple places- but none of that was what I looked at when I saw her.

Her hair.

It was more red. But not only that,

There was a streak of blue in the front. Tess must've done it. Alaska is naturally a red head, but Tess liked to play mom as well as doctor and probably decided to have fun with Alaska being there for so long. I scrunched my nose up, as I reached out, twirling her blue streak between my fingers. Some of the color rubbed off and I knew the blue wouldn't last long. Sighing, I climbed over the edge of the bed, and nestled against her, careful not to move her or jerk her around. She breathed slow and quiet.

She was out like a light that someone had flicked off, snoring in a way that resembled a cats purr.

I turned onto my side, still playing with the blue streak, wondering what to do.

Wake her? No.

So I decided to just talk. She was sleeping hard- she wouldn't hear anything I was saying.

"Hey Alaska. Scarlett. Can I call you Scarlett? It's pretty," I mumbled, running my hands through my hair in nervousness. Why was I nervous?! She was asleep.

I shook my head at myself. "Anyway," I mumbled, resting my chin on her shoulder. "Big news, jinx caught his first mouse today, bloody brought it all the way to our bunk," I smiled at how easily that rolled off my tongue- our bunk. I'd spent so many nights in her bunk that when they realized mine was going unused- it got reassigned. "He's getting big," I added. I wiggled a bit, feeling like an idiot. "We got a new mission," I said softly, "we're going to go hunt some immunes that wicked and the republic sent away. Guess what?" I asked, knowing she wouldn't answer, "Alaska isn't destroyed- that's where we are going, are you so excited?" I smiled slightly. "I miss you," I said quietly. "I miss you just as much as tommy and Minhoe and even Brenda. It feels like I'm suffocating when I see you like this," I choked out, running my thumb on her cheek. "I'm sorry I didn't come see you, it just hurt. I was being a boy. A selfish boy."

I closed my eyes, feeling my breath hit her neck and reflect back into my face. I contemplated it. Saying how I really felt. I held my breath before opening my eyes.

"I love you," I said softly. "I love you a lot."

>Alaska<

There's a lot of things I know, how to fight, how to think, how to teach, how to be a mother, but there was a lot of things I didn't know- how to love, for example, how to pilot ships, how long my ass had itched and I hadn't been able to scratch it.

I don't know what made newt think I couldn't hear him. Because I could.