Fiction of Myself

Chapter Twelve.

Ramon's P.O.V.

After catching a city bus I was at the hospital wandering down the halls tired and in a loss to as why I came here. I knew I wanted to talk to Parker, I just wasn't sure about what I would say. I reached a common area and heard sniffles along with the voice of Veronica.

I turned my legs to walk down the sitting area and found a couch of Parker, his mom, and Veronica. Parker sat with his mother who was crying, Veronica knelled beside them holding a cup of tea.

"Hey." I said.

Parker looked up in surprise to see me there. 

"Hey." He responded as he mom poked her head up.

"Can we, talk?" I asked.

"S-sure." Parker responded saying goodbye to his mom as we stepped out into the hallway. Veronica waved bye and walked towards her room.

"How have you been, since the incident?" I asked sitting with him at a table.

"Lifeless, tired. I guess just shocked." Parker responded wrapping his arms around his stomach tightly.

"Why shocked?" I asked secretly knowing the answer.

"I know you already know, but I was diagnosed. I had a feeling Doctor G already told you." Parker said taking me aback.

"Y-yeah he did. Are you by chance thinking about recovery somehow?" I asked wishing for the best answer. 

All Parker did was laugh hysterically making other patients and visitors stare in surprise.

"How can I? With this stupid voice in my head and these nightmares, why would I want to recover when they call me fat and stupid all the time?" Parker asked opening his eyes wide at sudden regret.

"Wait, you never told me anything about voices." I brought up what he must have regretted.

"I never wanted to tell you." Parker said hiding his face.

"Well if you won't maybe I should go digging though your room looking for that damn journal." I asked a bit timid.

"Only that's the thing, you can't. My mom found it a couple days ago as she was packing some clothes for me along with books to read. She skimmed through the journal and gave it to the doctor. That was the key to him having me diagnosed. She hasn't brought up the subject of it yet, but I'm sure she will soon." Parker said sounding upset. 

I gritted my teeth at how I threatened him. I had to remember to always be on his side, or who knows how bad the next suicide incident would be?

"I'm sorry. I have to remember how to keep my cool." I said.

"You're not sorry, you want answers to the things I don't have figured out myself. I'm not sure why I'm like this, or what made me go from loving to hating food overnight, I don't know why this had to happen to me and not someone else. You just need to wake up and accept it okay?" Parker asked.

"Parker, it's a lot even for me to process. Seeing someone who I thought was so happy go into this cycle of self hatred is a lot to handle. I didn't know this would happen-"

"Well I didn't know either and it's my body it's hurting, not yours so get over yourself already!" Parker yelled.

"I didn't mean it like that, I just want to help you." I said.

"You can't help me, your version of helping is asking lots of questions that just make me angry."

"Parker, you can't live like this you need help." I said reaching for his shoulder to hold onto.