Alcatraz

Letter 21- N I A L L

7 July 2014

 

 

Dear Zayn,

 

I must say I’m surprised by what you’ve so kindly disclosed for my viewing, but it hurts me that you believe I’d think any differently of you after reading your latest letter. Sure, you’ve done some pretty fucked up shit (sorry if that’s a bit blunt, but I think both you and I know it’s true), but that’s a thing of the past. Like you yourself have said: you’re a changed man. That was the old Zayn, a completely different man than the one who wastes his free time writing letters to a stupid lovesick puppy-boy like myself. No matter what the old Zayn did, it doesn’t matter in the slightest to me because I fell in (platonic!) love with the real you, the you that you’ve shown to be your true self time and time again. So please, for the love of all that is good, stop being so harsh on yourself. You may not be a saint, but where would be the fun in that? I mean, do you really think I’d be nearly as enamored with you if you were some goody-two-shoes Virgin Mary? I don’t recall too many people lining up to fuck the Virgin Mary, do you? (No offense if you’re religious, although you have to at least somewhat agree with that statement, amiright?) Shit, not that I want to fuck you or anything. I mean, you’re hot and all, but I wouldn’t want to fuck up our friendship, and you’re in prison halfway across the country anyway. I think I’m fucking up worse the more I try to fix things, aren’t I?

 

Moving on then… My Fourth of July was pretty fun, but I found myself wishing you were there by my side more times than I care to admit. You could’ve held my hair back while I puked my guts out awww. Just kidding, my hair’s not that long and that’s fuckin’ disgusting. That’s why I made Liam do it, like usual. He’s like my mother, I swear to god. Anyway, don’t get angry when you read what I have to say next. I know you hate when I’m reckless, but it was all Louis’ fault, I swear. So what happened was we were at Liam’s flat for a little pre-fireworks party, right? Well parties with the four of us tend to get out of hand pretty quickly. Especially when there’s alcohol involved, which there was, obviously. What would a party be without the booze? Right, so we were all drinking quite heavily, even Liam, which is quite rare, really. Like as rare as a Loch Ness monster sighting. Yes, Nessie is a real thing. But that’s not important right now, so I digress. There were multiple bottles of cake-flavoured vodka, which is never good in the first place because that shit’s like crack. That’s not all we had, though. Since it was Independence Day, after all, we also had some strawberry-blueberry-whipped cream jello shots because helloooo fuck to the yes. It was patriotic, okay. You just can’t turn that down. Louis and I did a little warm-up at mine before heading to Liam’s place; just a few beers to get our blood pumping. Now I can handle my liquor like a fucking champ, let me tell you, but I’d like to see you try drinking with Louis (and his virtual shadow, Harry, egging him on and basically agreeing to whatever Louis says because, well, he’s whipped even though they aren’t technically dating. Louis’ too much of a tease for poor Haz, but the poor lad is gone for him. Ah well, not my business really.) So when we got to Li’s, we started fairly tame. We had a few snacks (if anyone asks, I totally did not eat a whole bag of crisps myself. Absolutely not.) and after that was when the real fun began. I’m talking straight-from-the-bottle shots of cake vodka with more vodka as a chaser. Can you say yum? Well, Louis being Louis, he challenged me to a drinking contest. Basically, whoever could chug the most of the too-sweet liquid in a minute won. Obviously, I accepted his dare and guess who came out the champion? If you guessed Louis, well fuck you (no, really, fuck you) because it was ME! Made it through nearly half a bottle. I think my throat is permanently burned from that shit, though. Hopefully it doesn’t throw off my deepthroat game from now on ;) Oh well, it’s not like I have anyone to suck off at the moment anyway. In fact, I’m currently taking applications. Know anyone who’d be interested? Haha, I’m fucking with ya, mate. Unless you really do know someone (I’ve a certain someone in mind, but I don’t wanna seem desperate, you know?). In that case, maybe I’m serious after all. Anyway, getting on with it then. So I’d downed a shit tonne of vodka and a few beers at that point and let’s face it, I was completely pissed. I’ve been told I’m an absolute riot when drunk, so my inebriated state only made the boys egg me on further. Long story short, I finished the rest of the bottle of vodka before the fireworks were even set off so I don’t actually remember watching them. Most of what I’m telling you is second-hand info because I was literally smashed to the point that I blacked out and can’t remember shit. So yeah, apparently there were some jello shots in there somewhere, but idk man, I didn’t remember swallowing them ‘til I puked them back up in the morning. Worst. Hangover. Ever. And that’s Niall’s disgusting story of the day! TMI, I know, but just thought I’d share anyway. Hope you could have a laugh at my expense!

 

I know you weren’t planning on doing too much on your Independence Day, but I hope you still had fun nonetheless. September is fast approaching, so I have my fingers crossed that you will be released to me so we can make memories you’ll actually cherish together.

 

I’ve just re-read this letter and can I just say: (So) (Fucking) (Many) (Parentheses) (God) (Damn).

 

Oh, and before I go, I just wanted to thank you for opening up to me like you did in your last letter. It means a lot that you trust me with that kind of information. I’ll guard it with my life. One day, I’ll share my deepest, darkest secret, but today is not that day. The time must be right, but hopefully that moment comes sooner rather than later!

 

One last thing! I’ve not asked a question for a while and I just thought of one I’m curious about. What’s the thing you miss most from your life before Alcatraz? It can be anything, really. Concrete, abstract, silly, serious, you name it. I’m all ears. (Not like Dumbo, Christ, that sounded awkward. Please tell me you enjoy a bit of Disney now and again. Disney’s mah main bitch. Ugh, too fucking much Tumblr. I’ve already got the platinum hair, so give me boobs and a Starbucks Mocha Frappuccino Extra Whip No Sprinkles blah blah blah and I’ll be a proper basic white girl.)

 

That’s where I’ll stop for today. Hope you liked the absurd amount of rambling. It couldn’t be helped!

 

Bye Zaynie! xxx

 

Yours most truly,

 

Nialler

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry for the long wait! Hope you enjoyed :) Exciting (I hope) news coming soon!

Cats_of_Humanity earned the dedication for putting together that you guys are my kittens because my name's Cat! Cute, right?

COMMENT<VOTE<FAN<Love you<3