Sweep Me Off My Feet

Chapter 17: He Was Meant For Me

I leaned over the banister as the wind whistled.

Stared out into our front yard, along the lawn, beyond the oak tree…out into nothingness. I was just staring, looking at nothing in particular. I couldn’t stand it in there. Too awkward. Too many questions would be asked. Too many stares exchanged. I couldn’t deal, so I left. That’s the easiest I could explain it.

I stared into the evening sky, watching the early stars twinkle. The last rays of sunlight were sinking beneath the straight edge horizon. Being out here in the country, the stars were crisp and clear. Forget Quincy, really. I’m not even gonna entertain his sh*t right now. That was stressful as hell. I have plenty of explaining to do now, because of him and his mess.

I laid my head in the banister, poking my butt out. I stayed like that for a long while, consumed in my thoughts. So much so that I didn’t hear someone come outside.

“Remember when I used to hit it like that?”

The stranger then proceeded to thrust himself on my tush! Grabbing the slightest bits of my hair. I startled, spinning around to find Quincy stuck up face.

“What? You can’t tell me you don’t miss the old days. I used to tear it up and you know it.” He smiled cockily, invading my space once again. Except this time I ended up being pressed against the porch banister.

“I didn’t know you felt that way about me bae..” He tried to stroke my cheek but I moved my head away. “Don’t touch me.” I spat. His mouth pressed into a hard line of annoyance, but it vanished.

“Look, when we make it back to Cali— we can fix this…you and me? I know you miss me Shai, don’t play.” He nuzzled his nose against my neck; I tensed up. He was WAY to close for comfort. Plus what he said reignited my anger.

“Fix what? You and me? Quincy….please.” I stared at him hard. I wasn’t afraid. He stood back, finally giving me my space. We had a staring contest for a long while.

He prepared to speak but I purposefully cut through. My ears were all of a sudden sensitive to bullsh*t. “Look, you put me out. It hurt, but from it, several blessings came, okay? I wouldn’t have met a lot of people—”

“What do you see in that prissy boy?” He snapped. I was stunned, only for a few. “I’m not stupid Shai, you feel something more than friendship for him, I see it in your eyes.” I was farther appalled that he could still read me so well after all this time.

“He’s a wonderful friend. He’s there for me, always. Unlike you. And he’s a bigger man than you’ll EVER be.” I spat at him.

“So….. you love him?” He asked, almost like he was giving up. But I didn’t answer; that’s none of his business.

“Fine b****. I was trying to do your dumbass a favor, but cool. Remember this though; I NEVER loved you. S e x. That was it. That’s what it’ll always be, b****.”

He smiled because he knew he had struck a nerve. Those damn mind games. Build me up, then knock me down, always. I let tears stream down my face freely. My final words to him came out it a choked flimsy whisper.

“F*ck you Quincy.”

*

I didn’t think anyone was gonna find me. This spot was way too exclusive. It was MY spot. Ever since childhood, this is where I stole away when I just couldn’t deal anymore. Maybe my parents were arguing, maybe I had a rough day at school.

I would slip away to this very place, my worn notebook forever in my hand. Write. Write. Write. That’s what I did till I was numb, till I forgot why I was so upset. And then I would melt back into reality— say I was in town, or at a friends house.