Sadness Hotel | Uncompleted

forty three

"you need to go to bed earlier"

i can't sleep because i want the night to go slower so i don't have to wake up and go to school. i can't sleep because i feel so numb, resulting in a lack of sleep. i can't sleep because i think of the weirdest shit at night. i can't sleep because my brain can never relax. i can't sleep because i wonder what you think of me. i can't sleep because i hope she's ok and everything is going well with her parents. i can't sleep because sometimes i hear my sister crying down the hall. i can't sleep because i can't help but let tears stain my cheeks and bed sheets. i can't sleep because i can't ever calm down. i can't sleep because i contemplate why i'm here. i can't sleep because i always think of when i'll be happy. i can't sleep because sometimes i relapse. i can't sleep because i'm hoping she doesn't relapse. i can't sleep because sometimes i just feel so numb. i can't sleep because most nights i don't even have the motivation to close my eyes. i can't sleep because my insecurities fill my mind. i can't sleep because i feel like shit 24/7. i can't sleep because i hope you message me. i can't sleep because i wonder what life would be like if i was "normal." i can't sleep because my sleep pattern is messed up. i can't sleep because i just don't care anymore. i can't sleep because i just give up on myself. i can't sleep because i wish you were right by my side. i can't sleep because i remember when i didn't even go to their funeral or cry when they died. i can't sleep because i'm starting to give up on school. i can't sleep because i'm messed up. i can't sleep because i feel like i'm a horrible person. i can't sleep because i can't stop thinking about everything i've done behind my parents back. i can't sleep because i can't sleep because i wanna punch him in the fucking face. i can't sleep because i don't wanna do this anymore. i can't sleep because i miss them. i can't sleep because i just want someone who i can tell everything to. i can't sleep because i've felt so much pain that i'm falling apart. i can't sleep because i've hit rock bottom and i can't help but think of when the floor is going to break, pulling me down even more into a dark abyss that i'm unable to get out of.

i can't sleep because all these thoughts fuel the negativity in me.