The Run

185

Rapid City, South Dakota.

Joshua paces nervously around the parking lot. It is dark out, the fluorescent lights of the Ramada motel flooding the concrete with hot pink shades, and he is now a long way from where he last stopped for gas. 

His hands ball into fists at the thought of the last stop as his steps echo in the silence of the night. He's at a loss, unable to think clearly. His blood is boiling with anger but he doesn't even know who he is angry at. Himself, probably. He's the one who lets these things happen, as always. He loses control constantly, lets his weaknesses get the best of him and ends up in situations he absolutely didn't foresee. Why can't he think, for God's sake? What is wrong with him?

With a groan, Joshua shoots at a lost pebble. The small stone flies away into the dark, landing  feet from him, almost making it across the road as the man turns around on his heels and walks in the opposite direction. Reaching the facade of his accommodation for the night, he hopelessly plops down onto a wooden bench that has clearly seen better days. It creaks under his weight as Joshua raises both hands into his long dark hair, his elbows resting on his trembling knees.

He's stuck. That's all he can think about. Stuck in a situation he could have avoided if he hadn't been so kind.

Kind.

Josh chuckles at his own use of the word. Kind. That's what Tyler used to say about him. That he was kind. Too kind for his own good. "Stop being so kind," he would say, " or it'll come back to bite you in the butt." And he was right, oh so right. Tyler had always been right, on so many things, and Joshua suddenly reminisces of a time when he would have trusted him with his life. Such a shame that, on the one and only time his trust wavered, everything Josh had ever known got turned upside down and life offered him a place of infinite pain and sadness with no possibility of going back.

Josh lets out a deep sigh, laying back against the old wood, hands now at his sides as he stares into the stars up above. If only he could find an answer among the sky lights. But even though it's pretty up there, it doesn't hold anything tangible that would help. Because the only way he could get rid of the girl, who is currently sleeping behind him in the room he has rent for the night, get completely rid of her without risking to be found, is murder. And no matter what he has already done, no matter what he wants to accomplish next, Josh knows he will never go that far.

A deep pain tugs at his heart at the thought, but he refuses to go that way. He cannot think about that. Not now. Not yet. He has to keep a clear mind - at least as clear as possible - until the time comes when he can finally let go of all his most awful thoughts.

He'll keep the girl, then. That's all he can do. He cannot risk to be discovered, and she knows too much. If she goes away and alerts the authorities, he is bound to be found. She has seen everything. His appearance, first of all, but also his car, his wallet, the money he keeps in the trunk. She knows where he comes from and all the cities they've been through since she joined the party. He cannot let her leave him now. She's his prisoner.

But he's not a persecutor. He wants her to stay in her own accord, and for that he knows that he will have to stay on her good side. He will have to agree on her terms of the deal, will have to drive wherever she wants to go unless it involves him being found out, will have to buy what she wants to buy and do all the things she wants to do, unless it involves his stack of cash burning away in just a few days. All he needs is about six months, and then he can be free.

And then it dawns on him that if she is a prisoner, he is too.

He's stuck in this situation he can't get out of. All he has to do now is keep going until that day. Until the day he can finally make the plan go to fruition. And then he'll be free forever. Free of all the guilt, the remorse that's been eating away at his heart for far too long already. If he could, he would make it happen today. Right now. But he has made a promise to himself, and to Tyler, even though the man doesn't know and will never know it. And he will not, by any means, break this one. Not if he can help it.

With another sigh, Joshua stretches out his limbs, feeling a little calmer inside. Then, finally, he jumps up to his feet and heads for the door. He doesn't care if she's sleeping. He needs answers, and he needs them now.

|-/

Hey guys! It's been a while since I've left you a little note after a chapter. I've felt under pressure to write lately, and I have to admit I wrote and published just to get it out of the way - which isn't a great way to write, don't follow my example! I'll do my best now to start interacting more.

So what do you think so far? Is this too cryptic? Are you too confused about what's going on? What do you think happened to Josh to put him in this situation? And what do you think of Emmie and how she knew who Josh was even though she acted like she didn't? Tell me everything! Thanks for reading!