The Run

181

Of course, we ended up going to the fricking zoo. I already felt bad enough for freaking out and throwing her phone away; learning that I truly hadn't listened to most of the words that had been pouring out of her mouth since we had started the trip, that I had slipped such a huge fact as her losing her mom right after Christmas under the rug was like a blow to my chest. I felt sick to my stomach that I had disregarded other people's pain because I was too focused on mine.

Times have changed, right? I was never that type of guy, too preoccupied with his own problems that he would forget other people's troubles. No, that wasn't me. I was always the kind one. The selfless friend, the one people came to when they had issues. How I went to that to the selfish douche I am now, I'm not sure. I guess what happened to you was the straw that broke the camel's back, like my mom would say. But that's not the only thing. I had changed before that.

I remember I had asked you, then. I had asked you if you thought I had changed and you had brushed it off like you always did when I was doubting myself. It wasn't a bad thing most of the times, because you would almost always immediately show me how I was worth it. You would cheer me up in your own way and I would forget about what made me feel bad in the first place. But that one time, I really needed you to be honest with me, because I could feel that something was different. I wanted to delve into it. I wanted to talk it through, but instead, you assured me that I was good, kind, fit for the job, that there was nothing wrong with me. 

But there was, Tyler. There was something wrong with the both of us, and nobody saw it coming. What happened to us, Tyler? Amongst our successes, we lost sight of what was truly important, and I'm still not sure if it was your fault or mine, or both, or none of us. It hurts me to think about what we lost, yet my anger only expands when I think about you not being there to feel it like I do. 

But anyway, what the fuck. I started writing this, thinking that for once, there was something nice to tell, and here I am wallowing in pain again. 

So. The zoo.

When we settled into yet another motel room last night, she couldn't stop going on about the zoo - she had found a leaflet about it in the lobby - and all the animals that were there and how she loved giraffes but certainly not as much as suricates and how she would love to feed the goats. I said nothing then.

Then she started going on about the opening hours and how we should wake up around 8 if we wanted to be the first people to enter and how she had set an alarm on the little black clock on her side of the bed - she would have set it on her phone but she didn't have a phone anymore, right? I said nothing then. 

I just slipped into bed, after getting rid of my pants, keeping my t-shirt on, and turned off the lamp on my side. She said nothing then.

I felt her get under the cover and despite the distance in between our two bodies, I could feel the warmth of her skin radiating on to the sheets. She stayed silent for a while, but her uneven breathing told me that she wasn't sleeping just yet. I was starting to doze off myself when she whispered.

"Can we go? Please?"

I pretended not to hear, closed my eyes shut a little tighter, but her finger poked me in the back. "I know you're not asleep, douche."

There was a weird sensation in my belly at her words and, unwillingly, I turned to face her. She had turned off her lamp too, but the curtains weren't thick and the moonlight was shining through, enough that I could discern her features in the dark. She had this pout on her lips and her eyelashes were fluttering. "Please? Please please please?"

I rolled my eyes as she kept on repeating the words like a song, making up a melody as she went. She was so caught up in it that she didn't hear me at first when I said yes. I had to repeat it. Twice. And when she finally realized what had happened, she squealed and hugged me, her body now touching mine under the covers, her hands pressing against my back and her hair burying my face in the sweet scent of her coconut shampoo. "It'll be fun, I promise!"

And I hate to admit it, but it actually was. 

Not right away, though. I started grumbling when the alarm clock woke me up with a start at eight o'clock, sharp, and didn't stop until we reached the gates of the zoo. She got the tickets with her own money and skipped towards the first enclosure where goats and sheep were lazily pacing. As we were, indeed, the first people to enter, there was no one else yet, and we were able to feed the beasts in peace.

I watched her at first and tried not to roll my eyes at her squeals and screams every time a goat's tongue licked her skin, but as annoying as her enthusiasm was, it was also encouraging, and when she took my own hand and slipped some food into it, pulling me towards another animal, I didn't resist for a second.

After that, she grabbed my arm every time we went from a place to another. She was like a child, really, eyes wide open at each and every animal we saw, and she couldn't stop screaming with enthusiasm every time we were allowed to pet some of them. She screamed at the giraffes and laughed at their massive tongues when she tried to feed them a leafed branch. She marveled at the lions although they were simply asleep in their space. She wondered at the sharks and dolphins and even volunteered at the aquatic show just before noon, and she almost cried when we reached the glass fenced enclosure of the little creatures she wanted to see the most: the suricates. 

We stayed over there for at least an hour as she observed the small animals with stars in her eyes and I almost had to pull her away at some point because mothers were starting to get annoyed that she wouldn't give out her place of choice to their children. She was mumbling insults under her breath when we reached the chimpanzees. 

"They're my favorite," I said without thinking when we reached the glass panel from which we could watch them.

"Chimpanzees? Your favorite?" she frowned, still visibly bitter that she had to give up her wonderful spot near the suricates. "They're weird."

"That's why I like them," I said, my eyes focused on one particular chimp. He seemed young and was looking straight at me, his hands still picking on his companion's head. He seemed to find something interesting in there because he broke the gaze for a second, inspecting what he had found before putting it in his mouth.

"Ew," I heard her mutter beside me. "The suricates were much cuter. And less gross."

And that's where it happens. 

The chimp that had been looking at me suddenly broke into a run and posted himself right in front of our eyes, the glass panel the only thing between us. He slammed his two hands on it as Emmie stepped back, startled. And then, almost as if he had heard her last words, the chimp raised one of his hand, looking straight into her eyes, into what truly seemed like he was flipping the bird. 

I felt my stomach contract suddenly, this weird feeling filling my belly once again, and I let out a chuckle. As surprising as it was, it didn't stop there, because when I looked to Emmie to see her reaction, something else entirely took a hold of me. She looked shocked, hurt at the gesture... and I couldn't help it. I started to laugh. 

And I laughed and I laughed until I was crying, first bent in two and then on my knees. I just couldn't stop, my whole body shaking. Every time I glanced at Emmie, pouting, her arms crossed over her chest, another wave of laughter washed over me. My tummy hurt, and I almost couldn't breathe, but the sensation was exhilarating. When she finally broke into a smile, then a full-blown laugh, we both lost it completely. People stared at us like we were mad people just escaped from a loony bin, and that made us laugh all the more.

When finally we were able to get ahold of ourselves, the chimp had disappeared into a tree. I pressed my palm against the glass before we left, and I thanked him mentally. I thanked him, because I couldn't remember the last time I had genuinely laughed so hard. 

I still can't.

|-/

Suricates are my favorite animals if you hadn't noticed. But I love chimps too. I love animals. What's your favorite?

I hope this made you smile, because I was smiling writing it!