fuck off cruel world

Help

Ya'll know how it says in my profile that I have a lot of nightmares?
    Yea well I take my dreams very seriously, like once I dreamed that my friends niece got hit by a car and the first thing I did when I woke up was to call him to make sure she was okay.
     Having a bad dream, whether it's about a devil mouse decapitating my baby brother's hamster, my neighbor being kidnapped by ISIS, or my boyfriend being raped, can ruin my entire day.
    Last night I had a dream that my Momma told me I was "the worst thing that had ever happened to her." In the dream I started to cry and she yelled at me for "making her into the bad guy" and "overreacting." I remember being half awake at like 3am and choking on sobs.
     None of it was real, obviously, but throughout the whole day every time I looked at her I felt nervous, and it seemed like every time she talked to me she sounded mad- I kept waiting for her to round on me, and I've written those words "the worst thing that ever happened to me", all over everything, all day.
    I know this isn't a big deal and that some people, many people, have these things actually said to them by people who are supposed to love them, but my dreams control my life.
    I'm terrified, miserable, and I want to die because how do you explain, "yea, I have a sneaking suspicion I've ruined my mother's life and she hates my guts, but my only evidence is a 5 minute sequence of images entirely concocted by my own twisted mind."
     That's the thing about my dreams. They make me confront fears I didn't even know I had, with no warning.
      I need help.