Meeting Mr Firth

30

The following day we left home early for the countryside. We went by train and had plenty of time for discussions..

-Mom, where exactly are we going? Where is this mysterious hill of yours?
-If I tell you, it won't be a surprise anymore. And I want it to be.
-Alright.. I guess I should wait.
-Well be there really soon..
-But that means..mom, your hill is the place dad is buried?
-You're a smart girl. Do the math!
-I never understood why he wanted that..
-Now you do. That place means everything to us. Even beyond death.
-So I guess you..
-I want to be buried next to him when the time comes, my darlings. That task will fall on your shoulders I'm afraid.
-Gladly, mom. We understand.. You want to be together forever, literally.
-Yes, honey.
-Mom, you always say he's still with us.. So you are still together.. Somehow.
-I know, dear, I really do. Don't mind me, I get sad from time to time. I miss him..but I have you, my darlings.
-And we have you. And need you, mom.
-I love you both, darlings.
-We love you too.
-When we get there, can we go to the woods you told us about? We'd like to spend the whole day seeing them.
-And could go up the famous hill tomorrow. We don't feel like doing it right now.
-Me neither, girls.

Once we arrived we took the walk into the woods and I showed the girls all the places I've walked past with Colin 20 years before.
It felt strange to relive all the memories in the same place without him. But I wanted to do it for the girls. And I knew he would have been proud and happy I did it, that I told them everything they wanted to hear, especially Em, and that I succeeded in doing it on my own.. I was glad I could. So were my girls to hear the whole story.
They day passed quickly and the night came. I couldn't sleep at all, having time to think while my girls were asleep. My mind was taking me to the past, to all the happy times. Inevitably, it took me to the moment I lost the biggest part of my happiness. I always thought it was unfair, but life is unfair sometimes.. Life happens, we're all mortals. That was what Colin used to tell me. That was what I was telling myself every time I felt the sadness, the grief of loosing him. And that one day we would be together again..and until then he'll live on in my heart. Maybe people are mortal, but love isn't..
***
The next morning, around 5am, I was already tired of overthinking and avoiding to get back to reality. In fact, it was an year since I went up the hill, to his grave. I was in denial, always making excuses not to go and see again the painful truth with my own eyes. I knew it in my heart and it was hurting me. I didn't need to see..
But then I got tired of denying the truth..and I needed to talk to him. I knew there I could feel a real connection. It was our happiest place after all. The very place we vowed our love to each other for eternity..
So I got out of the hotel room silently not to wake up the girls and went to the hill, where I had the surprise to see someone standing by the grave, looking down and talking in a low voice. I approached silently but he heard me anyway..

-Andrea?
-Luca, hey! I didn't mean to interrupt.. What are you doing here?
-I'm going on a little holiday.. I thought the countryside looks good this time of the year. I suppose I learned from the best.
-Well, does that mean we could expect a niece/nephew soon?
-Hah..I don't know. It's funny how you've always referred to me as a brother.
-I think is best this way, don't you?
-Of course, I always appreciated that.
-How's Laura doing?
-She's fine. Actually, not so well now. She's a bit sick and the cold weather doesn't help much. That's why she didn't come up here.
-It's 6am..why are you up here?
-I imagine for the same reason as you..
-I imagine not. I came with my girls..to tell them a little story.
-I didn't mean in general, and neither did you. I meant so early in the morning, by his grave.
-I needed to speak to him alone.. I miss him. And I'm trying hard to get over my denial phase..it's been an year since I've been here.
-So do I..and my brother. We're still not over. And will probably never entirely be..
-Do you guys still hate me for burying him so far from London?
-You kidding? It was his wish and we understood. Late, as we always did. But we eventually did..
-So many times I thought of coming here, being again with him..on the other side.
-Don't. What should my sisters do then?
-They're not little girls anymore.
-That doesn't mean they don't need you. They still do. And you made a couple promises to dad you haven't yet fulfilled..
-Neither of them found their other half yet..so I couldn't yet. But I'm certain they'd make good choicest even in my absence.
-If they're half like you, they would. No matter what their choice will be.
-But it doesn't mean you weren't right..maybe they still need me. And I need them.
-You'd be back together some day. Live your life until then. And enjoy your time with your daughters.
-I will. Thanks..
-Don't mention it. Well..I should go. Laura is probably waiting for me.
-Say hi to her for me, okay?
-Sure. Bye!
-See you!
***
-It's been a long time. But I wasn't truly away, was I? I feel you're with us all the time..in the house. Everywhere. Maybe I'm just imagining things, but I would like to believe it to be real. I know you made us the promise to never leave us..I want you to know you kept it. The girls seem to be coping better than me, maybe because I kept telling them you'd always be with us, in our hearts.. I'm not coping..I can't. You were my world and now I'm feeling lost most of the time. Our beautiful daughters bring me back to the present sometimes. Or Viv, or mom. But when they're all away and I'm alone.. Those are the moments I'm feeling lonely, lost..when I miss you the most. I wanted to come to you countless times but those were dark thoughts, I know.. you wouldn't let me..my own conscience wouldn't let me. But god knows I've been thinking about that..and I'm sorry I have. The girls need me, mom needs me, my friend needs me..and I need them all to go on. To walk on without falling at every step. If it wasn't for them I would've come to you long ago.. but they wouldn't let me. I wish..wish you were here to see their accomplishments. They'll have..a theatre play together. I hope the first of many. Thank god Em inherited your talent. And Cathy studied to get to her full potential too.. If it wasn't for you they wouldn't have been where they are. The love for the piano I think we all have.. The love for acting and the great talent was between you and your girl. She's brilliant, darling. I hope you could see her.. I really do. They both work hard to make us proud. But the thing is, we have always been proud of them. Always.. I love you. Always have. Always will. And I miss you.. So much. But I won't get sad about it anymore, I promise. I'm okay..you're with me..with us. Always.. Until the moment we'd be together again..

As I was finishing saying that I heard footstep behind me. I whipped away my tears and turned around to meet the eyes of my daughters..

-Mom? What are you doing up here so early?
-The question is why are you here? I came to talk to your father.. Haven't you heard of privacy?
-We were worried about you. Didn't mean to interrupt you..
-I'm fine.
-You don't seem fine, mom.
-Oh, believe me, darling. I'm better than ever. Really, I just needed to take some things off my chest.
-Look! The sun rises..
-Beautiful..
-Time for a little family picture, what do you say?
-Brilliant idea.
***
-This goes straight into the box. Precious memories..
-True, my darlings. Those memories would be part of your inheritance one day. Take good care of them.
-The most important part. You can be sure we would, mom. We already do..
-Well, here we are..the famous hill.
-Not that we didn't know it already..
-Yes..but not the way you do now. The happiest memories are all linked to this place.
-Many more memories will, we hope.
-Yes, me and Cathy have discussed this and when the time comes we'd like to take your example.
-And have our weddings here.
-I'm happy about your decisions, darlings. You'd be very happy with this choice, I dare say.
-We shall be the happiest, mom..

Just as we were sitting on the grass, talking, I've realised once more than we didn't stop being a happy family not even for a second. We were still all together, in that place more than anywhere else..

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Might be unable to update the story for a couple of days because I have a project for uni. So I posted 2 chapters today to make up for that.. 🙈😘