The Fan (Fillie) //COMPLETED//

Mornings Are For Coffee And Contemplation

Izzat started to freak out. "What the hell? Who was that and why did they take a picture of us?"

"Calm down, Izzat. There is a lot of creeps in New York, okay?" I try to reassure him but he was hyperventilating now.

"Oh really? They were at our window, at the exact time we kiss?" he shook his head furiously," we kissed? What is wrong with me? Fuck!"

He never freaked this much before. I put my hands on his shoulder but he just shook it off. "No! I make everything worse! Why did I kiss you?" I was just shocked at his reaction to this. He started to clutch his head with both hands and scream. I didn't know what to do. I've known him for 6 years but I don't know how to control him. I desperately grab him in a tight embrace. I quietly shush him in the ear while he sobs on my shoulder. I like somebody who doesn't cover up themselves as somebody better. He was just releasing all his emotions and I appreciated it. I hugged him for the longest time. I finally looked him in his red and puffy eyes.

"Izzat, calm down. Everything will be all right." I reassure him.

"Don't dare kiss me right now or I will bite your tongue off." he says jokingly. I laugh lightly.

"But with all seriousness, Millie, I, we can't do this. I know you like Finn so stay with him. It will just break his heart and it won't be right. You know this. So just stay with him." he says dejectedly. I nod my head.

"Good. Let's just be friends for now on, okay? Can you get my hoodie for me?" he points at his hoodie hanging on a coat rack. I stand up to get it. When I took it off the coat rack, two things fell out of the hoodie. A slick black hunting knife, blade in a cover. Another was a note with sloppy handwriting, like it was quickly written. Izzat didn't notice, so I quickly read the note.

"There is a little devil inside all of us."

Beneath their manufactured perception - their artificial reality - is a writhing, twisted mess of dread. Loathing. Judgement. Elitism. Self-doubt. All thrashing to escape the feeble hold of their host, seeping through every little crevice they can find. Into their willpower, starving them of all motivation and desire. Into their stomach, forcing them to drown their guilt in comfort food, Or into a newly-opened gash in their skin, hidden only by the sleeve of a new shirt.                                                      

Such a deplorable, tangled mass is already present in every single one of them. That's why I choose not to blame myself of their actions.

All I did was untie the knot.

I reread it over and over again, not believing what it read. What did it mean? Why was the last line underlined? I then realize I took way too long, I put the stuff back in the pocket and walked back to Izzat. "Thanks. You better go to Finn now. He might be worried about you." he says. I nodded at him once more before I leave his room.

I text Finn to meet me at a nearby cafe. As I was walking to the cafe, I kept thinking about Izzat. Why did he have a knife? What was with that note? It seemed like some kind of poem. I felt like it had a deeper meaning, something that Izzat wants people to know about. My thought were interrupted when I got a message.

Private Message with Annox:

Annox: Hello there.... Millie.

Millsie: Who are you? How do you know this number?

Annox: I told you to stay away from him, but you didn't get it through your thick head.

Millsie: Stay away from who?