I Am Not Your Master; I Am Your Partner: A (Neko) Dan and (Human) Phil Series

Blessed Is The Child

There was no one to hold Dan as a baby, when he wailing with another ear infection. He learned very early on that his pain and distress did not matter to anyone but him.

It sometimes mattered to the other boys who shared his hallway. They would cover their heads with their pillows in an attempt to drown out his cries.

And it sometimes mattered to the staff during the daytime hours, when they had to call for the nurse or shout a little louder to be heard over his wailing.

He learned, as most of the boys did, that if he needed to be soothed, he would have to learn to do it for himself.

He was still an infant when he found his thumbs. Never having nursed at his mother's breast or been given a pacifier, Dan sucked his own thumbs. Sometimes he would even suck both of them at the same time.

As a small child, Dan noticed that many of the boys shared his habit. It was not at all unusual to see the boys playing in the yard with one fist up to their mouths. The staff did nothing to discourage it; in fact, self-soothing behaviors made their jobs a lot easier.

Sometimes Dan would suck his right thumb and twirl his hair around the fingers of his left hand at the same time. It was comforting, and he often fell asleep this way.

Like most of the Nekos, it was a habit that Dan carried into adulthood. Although he no longer felt the need to self soothe at Phil's, he did have some rather notable calluses on both thumbs from years of sucking. Phil first noticed them the day that he examined Dan for wounds.

"Oh my. What happened here?" Phil lightly held Dan's hands in his own, careful not to touch him unnecessarily.

"Oh." Dan blushed. "Never mind those. They don't hurt." Dan looked down at the tiled floor.

"Are you sure? Maybe a covering?" Phil couldn't tell what had happened to him.

"I'm sure, thanks." He supposed there was no harm in telling the kind man that he had done it himself. "I sort of made them myself. I suck my thumbs when I can't get comfortable or if I'm hurt."

Phil felt saddened by the Neko boy's confession. Phil too was a thumbsucker from ages two and a half to five. He just liked the way it made him feel. His parents never shamed him or forced him to stop. Dan did it because he had to.

"That's okay Dan." Phil continued looking him over for wounds without ever mentioning it again. For that, Dan had been thankful.

Their son would not be left to soothe himself. He would be held, rocked, and walked. He would listen to his parents sing and speak, their voices familiar and comforting.

If he sucked his thumb, it would be a choice, not a need. His dads would not mind; there would be no shaming of any kind.

Dan didn't know what it felt like to be held or to be read a story. It was a wonder that he had any interest in books at all.

Dan and Phil would read to their son every night, even before he was capable of sleeping through the night without milk. They would take turns voicing the characters, one of them holding the book, and the other holding the baby.

There were no Christmas Eves or Christmas mornings for young Dan. There were no birthday celebrations or holiday traditions. Dan didn't see a single holiday decoration until he went to live with Phil.

Their child would know the excitement of Christmas Eve. He would enjoy a special day filled with activities on his birthday, with themed parties and birthday cake.

He would have family traditions to pass on to his own children, should he choose to be a father one day.

Dan was raised to serve a master. The expectation was for him to serve without question. He was not allowed a proper education, for there was no need.