don't you just, you know.
those days, where everything is, beautiful. those days, where everything feels, amazing. those days, where everything's just, wonderful.
and then, bam.
as if you're falling, deep down. deep down and they just don't know. they'll never notice how broken you look, those eyebags under your eyes ─ how many times have you been crying all night, hun?
they don't know how much you had been struggling, they don't know how long you've held that sharp thing in your hands, and you know what it is ─ as if it's already perfect to be under your skin. they don't know. maybe. maybe they don't.
skipping meals became a daily habit, losing apetitte and wanting to lose those calories to have that ideal type of body that everyone wants to have. it's normal. it's so damn normal. "i'm not hungry," yeah, yeah right.
lies. it's all lies. stop lying to yourself, stop thinking that it's normal just because you had been through it many times, because it's not. it's not okay! how many 'i'm fine's have you've ever said before when you're clearly not?
you're not okay.
and when you're not, never ─ never give up. stop hurting yourself and instead, love. love for who you are even if you're not perfect, love because you're you.
take out a piece of paper of your favourite colour, fold it, then cut it into little squares. write. let the ink touches the surface of the paper with positive words that describes you, words that could make you smile just by seeing them, words that reminds you of happy things.
then, keep all those cute folded papers inside a jar. call it your own jar of happiness, because darling, self love is important ─ it really is.
those days, where everything is ─ beautiful. as if a seedling had bloomed into a flower with fresh-looking petals that when you glance at it once, you'll feel like the colour will never fade nor will it ever wilt.
those days, where everything felt ─ amazing. as if you are watching a sunset in the lilac sky, surrounded with lavender and long grass with the breezy wind touching your cold skin.
those days, where everything just ─ wonderful. as if it's a dream ; the clouds in the sky, the plants in the nature. everything is in place, a place where you'd call a home. somewhere you'd want to stay, a place where you'd call your happiness.
even when sadness hits you up all over again, remember, that those days will surely come again when everything's okay ─ when you're okay. so again, smile. because dear, you're going to be okay.
─
xx winwinneul
