Repeating Apologies (Austlan Cashby)

Second & Sebring

Austin's POV:

" I don't know what to do!" I groaned

" What do you feel like doing?" Aaron asked me quietly

" I don't know. I want to go and spend more time with Olive but then I want to go in there and be with Alan but I don't know if I should be with Alan or what." I leaned my head back against the wall

" Oh you want to be wih Alan."

" I know I do."

" So be with him. The feelings you have for Oliver are just aftershocks from your past relationship."

" So I probably should like call him, shouldn't I?"

" Yeah but don't end up asking him to marry you, okay?" He teased

" If you say that again, I will find you, and I will kill you." I told him, walking away and pulling out my phone

Okay, I can do this, cant I? All I have to do is tell the adorable British boy that we cant be together.

Fuck my life.

I hit call and held it up to my ear, waiting anxiously for him to pick up.

" Ello?" He answered

" Hey Olive...er." Fuck that was smooth

" Austin?"

" Yeah look I just needed to tell you that we cant be together any more. I cant. And I know Alan cant. I love you Olive I really do. A little to much maybe. But still. I cant do this any more. The pinning over has to end. "

Silence. Then...

" Whatever you say." He whispered

Then he hung up

I couldn't believe what happened next. I broke down in tears, falling to my knees. It was like having your soul ripped in half. I was leaving Oliver. I had left him. I knew I couldn't go back.

I was glad I wasnt in veiw of Alan's room. This wouldn't be a pretty sight.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down.

" Austin come on. Shhhhh. Crying isnt going to help."

" I still love him, Aaron. Why do I still love him?"

A part of me had hoped that once I ended this, it would be over for good. No more staying up thinking about him. No more random tears that came with thoughts of him.

" You love him because hes one of your best friends." Aaron had his arms around me, holding me together

" No. I cant. I cant love him. I don't want to."

" I know. But maybe we're meant to lose the ones we love."

I took another breath, standing. Aaron kept me steady. I walked back into Alan's room, seeing he was asleep.

I got down on my knees, taking his hand.

" I'll be back in a couple days. I love you, Ginger Princess. I love you." I got up, walking to the door

" Good-bye, Austin." Aaron patted my shoulder

" Bye, Aaron."

I walked out, never looking back.

~~~~~~~~~~

When I got back to the bus it was covered in police tape. I went in any way.

It was eerie in here.

There was no sound. Not a one. There was always nosie in here. Tino laughing, Aaron snoring, Phil playing video games, Alan meowing...

It was empty now.

Just like me.

I walked back to my bunk, collapseing to the floor halfway there.

I sobbed into the floor, feeling my heart break into peices. It was like being burned alive.

But worse.

I cried myself to sleep that night. And every night after that. It didn't matter if I was here or at the hospital.

Every night.

Alan woke up a couple times, I told him it was just a bad dream. Not to worry. I'm feelin emptyer by the day. Alan is the only thing keeping my head above the water.

I love him to much to leave him.

I'm going to get Phil for this. He will pay.

~~~~~~~~

All I can say is, I'm sorry. I love you