Somebody Stand By Me

Forgot

*Ethan's POV*

I put the blade away and I sigh in content. I know the feeling of content won't last long but for now, I feel a lot better than before.

I then get something to clean away the evidence of what I had just done to my body. It takes a while to get the blood to slow down but it finally does. I grab some bandages that are big enough to cover the new fresh cut. Once covered, I pull down my sweater and just like that, there's not evidence of my secret. I then walk to my bed where I wait for my sister and mother to wake up.

A thought occurs to me as I wait and I smile a little. Maybe there is a way that will help me not feel so trapped. It's worth a shot and I hope my mom will say yes.

A few moments later, there's a knock on my door. I give whoever it is the okay to come in.

"Hey little brother!" Sara says as she walks into my room already dressed for the rest of the day.
I roll my eyes and say. "You're only older by ten minutes."

We've had this "argument" before but it's all  in good fun.

Sara chuckles and sits on my bed. "Mom will be calling for us any minute. I can smell food! I'm starving!"

I stay quiet as the feeling of despair creeps in on me again. Gosh, I hate this.

"Hey...what's wrong Ethan?" Sara asks.
I look into her eyes and I want to tell her but I'm afraid she'll think I'm a freak.

I shrug and look away; maybe I should. No! I can't.

"Ethan please. I know something is going on with you. I can see it. Plus, I can feel it." Sara says as she places a hand on my shoulder.

Another perk of being a twin is that we know what the other is feeling. But it's also a curse. I can't hide anything from Sara.

I chew the inside of cheek for a moment then say. "Sis...I...I don't feel like myself. I don't know who I am."
Sara looks at me looking confused.
I take a deep breath and say. "I feel as if I'm trapped inside my own body. Sara...I don't feel like a boy. I never have as long as I can remember. I...I feel like a girl. I am a girl."

Sara looks with wide eyes and looks tense then she relaxes. A small smile appears on her face as she says. "Dang...I was wrong. I thought you were about to tell you were gay. But, hey, this is cool too. I think. Now that I look back on our childhood...wow, everything makes sense."
We chuckle then my smile and laughter fade. "If I'm honest, I wish I were gay. Maybe that would be so much easier. I just can't help the way I feel. I feel trapped being in a body you hate. My brain and my heart tell me I'm a girl but obviously my body says otherwise. I just want to be who I truly am."

Tears roll down my face and Sara instantly hugs me, her tears matching mine.

"I love you Ethan. I'm not going anywhere. I don't know what it is you want to do but, I will support you no matter what." Sara says. "If you choose to live your life as a girl then I will help you pick out your outfits! I will teach you how to put on makeup! Oh my gosh! I could paint your nails!"
"First of all, I love you too and second, Whoa! Slow down! You know I was actually thinking of asking mom if I can paint my nails black. I mean, nowadays it's more expectable for boys to have their nails painted black. Okay sure, they are either goth or punk. I guess I could pass for a goth?"

It's true, just like our mom, sara and I have taken a liking to wearing black. Sure we have our days when we wear other colors but black is what we are most comfortable in.

"I don't know but...I feel as if this will at least give me some peace for now. Painting my nails may sound like something small but it'll mean a lot to me. I would also love to do all of that you said but, I'm afraid of what mom will think and what will our relatives think. I'm scared they'll think I'm a freak of nature or something. Please don't tell mom right now. I want to wait. I want to take things slow."
"You know, I think if you were to tell mom, she would support you too. Mom will love you just the same." Sara says in encouragement.
I smile a little. "I'm still scared Sara. I've been hiding this since I was a little kid."
Sara sighs then says. "Okay, you tell her when you're ready."

We both talk for a few more minutes until we hear mom calling us to come eat. My tears are long gone and I make sure my eyes don't look too puffy just in case. I sigh in relief when my eyes look just fine.

Sara and I head downstairs and into the kitchen. We greet our mom and we sit down at the kitchen table.

Sara and I noticed our mom seems to be distracted. She's seems to be in her own world. We don't ask her what's wrong. We know her really well and she will talk about whatever is bothering when she's ready. Maybe she's having trouble with her boyfriend.

Hmmm...no that can't be it; they looked so happy last night. What could have happened between then and now? Ugh! I hate when my mind wanders and comes up with different types of scenarios that may not even be true.

My mom serves us then we begin to eat once she's seated. After a moment of silence I ask. "Mom? Is Robert coming over today?"

A smile appears on my mother's face and I know what ever is plaguing my mom's mind isn't her boyfriend.

Oh! Right, my mom's boyfriend is Robert Plant, lead singer of Led Zeppelin! He's really nice and treats my mom really well. She's been with him for over a year now and I've never seen her so happy before. It's a great feeling to see her happy again. He treats us really well too; he acts more like a father to us than our own father.

"Yes, he's coming over later tonight for a movie night with us." Mom says with a smile.
"Awesome!" Sara says excitedly.
"Yeah! Can't wait." I say. "Um...mom. I wanted to ask you something."
"Okay...go on." My mom says.
"I was wondering, if it would be okay if I could...if I could paint my nails black?" I ask feeling extremely nervous.

My mom stares at me for a moment.  I can see that she's thinking long and hard.

"Well...I don't see why not. I've seen some boys your age with black nail polish and I think it looks alright." She says. "Sure." She smiles at me and I can't help but stand up and hug her.
"Thanks mom! I didn't think you would let me do it." I say to her.
"You're not hurting anybody and if it makes you happy then go for it." She says happily.

That's all my mom wants for us is to be happy and I feel pretty ecstatic! I sit back down and Sara says after we are done with lunch that she will paint my nails for me. I can't wait for this!

After a while, it gets quiet again.
Finally once we are done eating, my mom pushes her plate away which looks pretty full still, then looks at us and says. "I need to talk to you both about something."

Sara and I turn our attention to her and wait for her to continue.

"Your father called a little while ago and..." my mom takes a deep breath then continues. "...and he is coming over in..." she looks at the clock by the stove. "...an hour. He says he wants to talk."

Sara and I both look with wide eyes then we look at each other. We both feel the same way about our father; we our angry at him for what he has done to us and to our mother. He abandoned us for a new family. We don't want to see him.

Sara turns to mom and says. "Ethan and I will be upstairs when he comes over. We don't want to see him mom."
I nod my head in agreement.

My mom nods her head too and she understands why don't want anything to do with him.

"Okay." She says then stands up; she comes over to us and hugs us tight. "You both go upstairs and start on your nails Ethan. I want to see them once they're dried. I'll call you both down when he leaves."

We hug and kiss our mother before we head off upstairs. We walk to Sara's room and she grabs her black nail polish and her manicure kit. We get settled at her desk and she sets to work.

We both don't bring up what our mother told us. Just like he forgot about us, we forgot about him.