Somebody Stand By Me

I Found It

*Stevie's POV*

*3 Months Later*

I've been seeing a therapist that helps parents who have transgender children. I'm not a fan of therapists, but, for my child, I will speak to one.

Our doctor's name is Dr. Kathleen Warner. So far she has been amazing at helping me understand what my child is going through and what transgender really is.

She also helped me realize that I am not at fault for Ethan being transgender. It's no ones fault.

I have been seeing Dr. Warner on my own and also with Ethan. Ethan speaks to Dr. Warner alone as well and we have set up a plan so Ethan can transition from male to female.

Dr. Warner told us that we have a long hard road ahead of us, but that we are on our way to help Ethan be who he...who she really is.

I'm still struggling with letting go of my baby boy but with Dr. Warner's guidance, I am learning to embrace Ethan as my daughter.

What scared me the most was when Dr. Warner told me all the statistics of the attempted suicide rates in transgender youth. Also the suicide deaths are high as well and I am so afraid that Ethan will try to take her own life. It scares me to death at the thought of me burying my own child.

After knowing all the statistics, I have come to the conclusion that, I rather have a daughter that is alive than a dead son. I just want my child to live the best life possible and to be happy.

I know after a lot of hard work, Ethan will be able to live a normal life. Although Lindsey is my main concern. I know for a fact that he will be a road block for Ethan. He almost blew up when he saw Ethan with red nail polish but I managed to calm him down. But what helped the most was that his two youngest children were there in the studio that day. I'm sure they haven't seen him angry before and he for sure didn't want them to see that side of himself.

I know Lindsey will not stand for Ethan to transition but I will damn well make sure Lindsey will not hinder Ethan's transition.

Ethan has started to wear more girl clothes but it's very settle. Dr. Warner said to ease into wearing certain clothes because everyone has known Ethan as one gender and it'll be difficult for some people to accept her as a different gender. But slowly they will see that this is who Ethan really is.

So for now, the only major indicators of Ethan being more feminine are her hair which has grown out quite a bit and her nails which are getting longer by the day.

During these last few weeks, I've seen Ethan be much more happier and it puts my mind at ease that she is much more freer now. She is on her way to her goal of finally being who she truly is.

*Ethan's POV*

I look in the mirror and I'm slowly liking what I see. I'm looking much more feminine and I love it!

Sara and Mom has been teaching me how to put on makeup. Sara showed me how to put on make up with out looking like you have makeup on; the natural look. I do want to use eye shadow and lipstick but I can't just go full on girl just yet.

Dr. Warner said to go at a slow pace and take my time because everyone has known me as one gender and to change into another gender can be too much for them.

I know for sure my dad will flip if he sees me wearing girls clothes. He almost flipped out when he saw me wearing red nail polish. Can you imagine when he finds out I'm transgender?

I sigh and turn away from the mirror; I think about my dad and fear spreads through me. I just know he will have a lot to say about this.

I walk over to my bed and sit; I've brought something up to Dr. Warner that I've been thinking about for a long time. I asked her if I could start taking estrogen hormones. Again she told me that I have to take things slow. She said that maybe in a few months I can buy for now she wants to still evaluate me and make sure that this is what I truly want. I tell her that I am completely sure but she wouldn't budge.
I'm a little disappointed but at least I'm on the road to finally be who I am.

I'm brought out of my thoughts by a knock on my bedroom door. I tell whoever it is to come in and Sara walks through the door.

"Hey sis!" She says. "Want to watch a movie?"
I smile and reply. "Sure!"

Before we leave my room, Sara turns to me and says. "You may want to cover your ears. Mom and Robert are being pretty loud right now." She giggles.

I scrunch up my face in disgust but let out a chuckle. Poor Sara, her room is closest to mom's room and who knows how she is able to sleep when Robert's here. I think she puts on her headphones on.

Robert has been staying over a lot lately and I think he is pretty close to moving in with us.

I wouldn't mind; Mom needs some happiness in her life and I know Robert is the one to give that to her. Plus Robert has been like a father to Sara and I and he would make an awesome step father.

We shake our heads and rush downstairs to the entertainment room where we have a small movie theater set up and some arcade games. It's like a play room but for teenagers.

Sara goes to the kitchen to pop some popcorn and get us some drinks and other snacks while I choose a movie.

I look through all the movies we have and I come across one of my favorites starring Julie Andrews. I take it down from the shelf and I stare at the cover.

Victor/Victoria. I love this movie!

Hmmmm...Victoria....

I gasp as it hits me; Victoria!
I smile and tears form in my eyes.

"Ethan?" Sara says. "You okay?"

I turn and see her with a tray of junk food and drinks.

I nod my head and say. "I found it! I found the perfect name for me."
Sara smiles, she puts the tray down close by and says as she walks towards me. "What is it?"
"Victoria. Victoria Rose Buckingham!" I say as happy tears roll down my cheeks.

I don't know where Rose came from but it sounds so pretty. I can't believe it! I found my name.

Sara pulls me into a hug and says. "That's a beautiful name. Victoria."

I have my moment then I pull away from Sara and we settle down for our movie.

I press play and Sara brings over our snacks. We watch the movie and recite the lines and sing along.

I sit and watch Julie Andrews on screen and I just smile. Because of this movie, I found my name and I feel like I am finally going to find the light at the end of a very dark tunnel.